What? Our 2 swinging dick hosts actually experience sadness that make them…gasp…cry or get teary eyed. Look, it pains us to admit it but goddamnit, it happens. We can’t believe it either but here we go with our lists:
In no particular order, here’s Kevin G’s list.
- ET- By FAR and away the leader in the clubhouse. Goddamnit, when those flowers die, I lose it. When ET dies, I lose it. When he comes back to life, I lose it. When he gets on the spaceship to go home, I lose it. Hell, I have the music on my phone and if it comes up on a random shuffle and I’m in a public space, I IMMEDIATELY change the song. I don’t want people on the subway to think I’ve just been dumped or on a bad trip. But ET and John Williams are my fucking kryptonite. Every. Damn. Time.
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I lied, here’s the 2nd saddest film for me. When Judge Doom puts that cute, squeaky, red shoe in the dip, it angers/saddens me more than any scene I can recall in all of the films I’ve seen. THAT RED SHOE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO ANYONE AND TO SEE HIM PETRIFIED AS HE SLOWLY DIED. This was the singular absolute worst moment and showed the epitome of evil. I get it, it’s a cartoon shoe. But man, that fucking SUUUUCKED.
- Toy Story 3- Show me someone who didn’t get teary eyed when Andy gave the toys away to the little girl and I’ll show you someone who’s a liar or an undercover Terminator.
- Speaking of Terminator, the end of T2 where Arnold has to lower himself in the molten steel and John Connor orders him not go tugs on the heart strings. And then the thumbs up as he’s nearly covered, what a touch.
- Field of Dreams- If it’s cliched to get teary eyed when Costner asks his dad if he wants to have a catch, well you can call me an Applebees eating, Office Space quoting android.
- Big Fish- When the dad gets carried to the water and all of the characters come to visit him which proves to the son that this wasn’t just some tall tale just knifes you in the heart.
- Total Recall-When Arnold shoots Sharon Stone who is in her absolute prime, part of me died. Just kidding. The Rookie with Dennis Quaid. When he gets called up to the majors…enough said.
- Artificial Intelligence- I haven’t seen this in forever but I remember being this modern day Pinnochio fable making me despondent.
- Up- Gawwdamn, Pixar starts you off right an uppercut to the jaw with the story of the dead wife? Jesus Christ, my seat is barely room and you hit us in the face with these sentimental brick?
- Bambi- My dad took me to see this as a kid when Disney re-released this for the 38th time and when his mom got killed got Greg to tear up. And that got me to well up as well.
Kevin Israel’s choice
Ten films that make me look for cut onions.
1. Green Mile – Damn, it’s like they wrote this movie to make me cry. There are so many heartfelt and touching moments. Shit, I’m getting misty just thinking about it,
2. Shawshank – this movie has everything, but when Andy breaks free of the prison and puts his hands in the air – Niagara Falls.
3. Marley and Me – I’m a sucker for dog movies. Especially when the dog…when he…you know…shit!
4. Field of Dreams – I’m not a sports nut, but c’mon. If you watch this and you don’t get misty…check your pulse.
5. The Pursuit of Happiness – Holy shit! When Will Smith gets the job…forget it. Every time. I gotta go to the bathroom and hug myself.
6. Dead Poets Society – Yeah, when they made this movie they knew what they were doing. They set out to make a tear jerker and by god it worked!
7. Good Will Hunting – Robin Williams in row! Yeah, this was another movie aimed right at the old tear ducts. Williams’ monologues get me every time.
8. Armageddon – I know, this is a weird one. But one Bruce tells Ben to take care of his little good, Willis became the father-in-law we all want. HARRY NOOOO!!!
9.The Neverending Story – This one had me crying when I was just a kid. One word Artax
10. Coco – I just saw this movie and I was balling like a lost baby. Wow! This one is one of those feel-good cries.