Episode 121: Jennifer Eckhart SUSPENDS The Breakfast Club Episode 121 GTSC Podcast

GSC 121 | The Breakfast Club

One of the most hated guests (only because she decided to take on Toy Story) returns for a shot at vindication.  @JenniferEckhart has one of the biggest 80’s darlings locked and loaded in her sights, The Breakfast Club.  Looks like John Hughes isn’t above his sacred cows gutted as this is the 3rd film of his we’ve done on this podcast.  Can Jen convince Kevin and Kevin (much better looking than Simon and Simon) that Molly, Judd, Ally, Anthony, and Emilio should stay in permanent detention with this Ambien of a script?

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Jennifer Eckhart SUSPENDS The Breakfast Club

We are back again with a new episode. You know the drill. Jen Eckhart returns for this episode. Remember her? She was the last who tried to take a run of the castle and try and take down Toy Story. Let’s give her credit. She wants to come back on and take on the ‘80s darling of them all, and that is The Breakfast Club.

Before we get to it, make sure you give our sponsor a go. Give AthleticGreens.com/GTSC a shot. You get some free stuff of doing so. Also, never forget GuttingTheSacredCow.com where you get blogs every single day. The merch store is always open 24/7, 365 days a year. Email us at GuttingTheSacredCow@Gmail.com if you want to advertise with us. In this episode, we welcome back a fan favorite or public enemy number one after going after Toy Story, which caught massive piles of crap for her attack on most sacred cows. She is Jen Eckhart.

Jen, how are you?

Thanks, and thanks for that intro. I appreciate that fan-favorite to public enemy number one.

We like to throw the old deuce around here or the old curveball. Jen has chosen a film that came out, I am guessing, a good seven years after you were born, and that film is 1985’s The Breakfast Club. Am I right in my guess?

I was born in 1990.

Jen has chosen the absolute ‘80s darling, The Breakfast Club, with a budget at the time of $1 million and a Box Office Hall of $51.5 million. If you turn that into 2022 money, it is a $2.6 million budget and a Box Office Hall of $136.3 million. That is some serious ROI. IMDb is on a scale of 1 through 10 with decimal points. Jen, what did The Breakfast Club accrue on the old IMDb?

Do I have time to Google really quickly? You always ask me this. 

We always ask you this because it is a segment of the show.

People go crazy over this movie, and I do not understand it for the life of me. 

We will get into it. Give us a number.

It is an 8.9. 

Kevin Israel, how about you? 

8.3.

It is a 7.8.

That is fair.

On Rotten Tomatoes, it is a 1 to 100 score. Kevin Israel, what do you think critics gave The Breakfast Club?

A 72.

Jen Eckhart, what about you?

78.

It is an 89.

That is higher than I would have guessed.

Jen, for the audience score in Rotten Tomatoes, what do you think they gave Breakfast Club?

I would say 82. 

Kevin Israel, how about you?

This is hugely popular with the people, so I am going to say 92.

One of you is dead-on, and that is Kevin Israel. I am surprised. That is an easy one. If the critics love it, you know the audience is gaga over this. Here are some quotes from the movie. One, “Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers? No. Mr. Johnson.” That was great deadpan humor. I laughed out loud. Another one is, “Yo, wastoid. You are not going to blaze up in here.” Kevin, did they add oid to every negative term you can think of in the ‘80s as a term of an insult?

I do not know if they did or if John Hughes heard it said once and was like, “That is how the kids talk.”

My favorite line of the film, which I also laughed out loud, is, “I am not a tramp. I am a compulsive liar.” That was great. Kevin Israel, how about some quotes?

I had one that got me. It was, “Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?”

Jenn, how about you? Do you have a quote from this puppy?

I do, and I hate that I do. There was one quote I thought was funny. It was when the principal was like, I make $31,000 and I am not about to throw it away for a prick like you.” I was like, “Money bag is over here.”

Would you care to know what $31,000 was back in 1985?

I was going to do that too, but I knew you would, so lay it on us.

It is $82,000 at this time.

I feel like a principal gets paid more than that. Principals are in the low six figures.

I will get into it in a minute. I will tell you why. Here are Five Fun Facts. Before the film got its iconic Breakfast Club title, a couple of other ideas had been thrown out. The rejected title ideas included on-the-nose, Library Revolution, and the rhyme-y, The Lunch Bunch.

You got to wonder. If they picked one of those terrible names, would it have changed the outcome of the success of the movie?

Adam Corolla does it best, and this is one of my notes. I do not care. I will do it. He goes, “This is the perfect instance where the title was thought of before the film came out. The Breakfast Club is what is going to happen.” Number two, before Molly Ringwald landed the role of a snobby rich girl, Claire, Laura Dern, Jodie Foster, and Robin Wight were all considered for the role.

The Breakfast Club isn’t even worth 25 cents of your time. This movie is so bad that even Molly Ringwald herself agrees with how bad the film didn’t age well.

The fact that none of those women were cast and Molly Ringwald was cast over them blows my mind.

Brooke Shields was in talks to play Allison. Kevin Israel, you guessed this. One of these two guys was up for the role of Judd Nelson, Bender’s role. One was very big in the ‘80s and one was huge in the ‘90s. You will get the ‘80s if you think about everything involved or all the components of this film.

Tom Cruise.

No, but not a bad guess. The one I thought you would get was John Cusack and Nick Cage.

That would have been such a better movie.

He may have still been able to audition, but Judd’s method of acting on set almost led him to be fired during mid-production. Molly Ringwald said that Judd was teasing her onset as Bender would to Claire and that John Hughes got upset. She said, “John was extremely protective of me and it infuriated him. He almost fired him. We all banded together and talked John out of firing Judd.”

For fans who want to know what happened on Monday when all the kids had to go back to school together, there was supposed to be a sequel to this film. It was going to be into the future and a bit with the kids’ lives. In 2005, Emilio Estevez was reportedly attached to the sequel that John Hughes was writing, but John Hughes died in 2009 so no sequel has been made. John Hughes considered Tom Cruise, Michael J. Fox, Matthew Broderick, Rob Lowe, and Jim Carrey for the role of Andrew Clark, the wrestler.

If he was cast, I would have loved the movie. 

Get ready for this, Kevin Israel. You can have one guess. He is a mega comedy actor in the ‘80s that was considered for the role of Carl, the janitor.

Bill Murray.

I like where your head is. Jen, do you have a guess? 

I was also going to say Bill Murray.

It is John Candy.

Was his part that funny, though?

No, not at all, which is why it makes it a perfectly good casting because of you wasting John Candy. Now, it is time for our segment, which I am sure Jen has seen because she has answered a few, Ask a Gutter. Brandon Oglesby @NewarkKnight says, “I know KG is going to come for Breakfast Club with both barrels and with a hand grenade, so I will ask which high school archetype was you and could you hold your smoke?

I was a bit of an oddball. I was a unicorn in high school. I was a theater geek and I was also student council president.

She is Reese Witherspoon in Election. Every popular girl is like, “I liked everybody. I hung out with everybody. Everybody liked me. I was friends with everybody,” because you had such a good time. You were popular. It was easy to have this view of yourself.

I was bullied. There was always a mean girl clique in every high school. I was not a part of it. I still hate mean girls to this day. I am a girl’s girl.

The next one, for Jen, even if you hate The Breakfast Club, can you least admit the theme song by Simple Minds is great for karaoke?

Yes, but I wish I could forget I ever saw the Do not You Forget About Me song in the movie. That is where I stand on that.

John D. @Jayleedees said, “I have to agree with Breakfast Club, massively overrated, shallow, and overall exhausting. My only question for that would be, what was the worst thing Jenifer did in school that she may or she may not have received detention for?” I am going to cut you off. There is no way you got detention.

I did.

Is it for chewing gum in class?

It was for talking in class. The teacher was trying to be a jerk. She was power-hungry and was like, “Look at the student council president. I am going to give that girl detention. It is going to ruin our whole week.”

The next question is from @Lord_Snerts. He said, “No questions this week, but Breakfast Club looks like trash based on the trailer.” @Eric4953 said, “Wow, Breakfast Club. I used to like that movie, but I also like HeMan and transformers too when I was a kid.” Eric says, “This movie is full of That Does not Happen. Tapping someone’s butt will get you arrested, not detention. All that smoke in a school and no fire alarm, plus the smell?” The next one is Delvin Cox who did the Jaws episode. Delvin said, “I have a question. Who would you cast in a modern remake of the film and who would you change to make it better?” If you say Rebel Wilson, you are out.

I would say Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

He needs to work.

He is not doing anything. He is available.

He can be the janitor and go. “This is what happens after you make a successful show a mega-successful film.” 

That would be so good. It would be his resurgence. He is like, “I am just sweeping the floor.”

He shows up and looks at the camera and goes like, “You do not know?” The teleprompter at the bottom says, “This is Jonathan Taylor Thomas. He was in home improvement and the voice of Simba.” That is it. It freezes and it cuts to whatever else is going on. That is how I would do it if I was a director. Let’s start off. Who would you have as Molly Ringwald’s character, Claire?

I would cast any woman you mentioned. Robin Wright was one of them. She is fantastic. 

He means in a remake.

I hate this movie so much with a burning passion that I do not even want them to remake it. The thought of remaking it makes me want to projectile vomit. 

I agree with you.

They would cast Reese Witherspoon 100%.

She is too old.

GSC 121 | The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club: Nothing happens in this film. There is a complete lack of story that pervades for an hour and a half.

 

She is going to be in the Legally Blonde Three coming out. Trust me.

For time’s sake, give me Emilio Estevez’s role.

I would say Jacob, the kid from Twilight.

He needs to work too.

He needs to keep his shirt on. 

Did you say you need to keep a shirt on?

In every Twilight scene, he is taking his shirt off.

The next one is Ally Sheedy’s role.

This is tough. 

I would say Zendaya. I am watching Euphoria. She will be messy and get into character.

I am so not into her. I do not get her at all.

It is also for diversity. There are all White people in this movie.

We will get to it. The last character is Bender, Judd Nelson. Who would you have for him?

I cannot stand that character. I would say Zac Efron.

How about the principal? I forgot to mention him. Who would you have as a principal?

Is the principal from Saved by the Bell still alive? Is he still around?

Barely.

He is in bad shape.

He looks like he is a snake that is molting his skin mid-process. He looks awful.

Maybe not him then. I would say Jim Carrey.

That would be great.

Before we get to my notes, Kevin, let’s talk about our sponsor, our pal, and our buddies over at Athletic Greens. That is some good stuff. Why do you love Athletic Greens so much?

I love it because, unlike every other supplement, it tastes good. That is such a random thing to have, and since you are drinking it first thing in the morning, you do not want to drink some nasty, chunky mess. It tastes like it is doing something good for you, and it works. I substitute my morning coffee for a cold glass and I feel good. I feel like I started off my morning right and healthy. It helps with gut health and mental health. It does it all.

It does work. It does optimize your gut health, which I am a big fan of. I have been on it now. It does not taste super healthy. You are absorbing 75 high-quality vitamins, minerals, whole food sources, superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens to help start your day. The best thing about it is it is also lifestyle-friendly. If you are keto, paleo, vegan, dairy-free, or gluten-free, it contains less than a gram of sugar. Jen, how much do you think a serving of Athletic Greens costs for one day? Give me a number if you have to put a dollar amount on it.

I would say it is $2 a day.

I like the way your head is. It is less than $3 a day. I love asking the guests this question because it is so unsuspecting and they go, “I am getting called on?” The Athletic Greens founder created this when he experienced a ton of gut health issues. He decided to do his own supplement routine at the beginning at the cost of $100 a day. This is less than $3 a day and you are investing in an all-in-one nutritional insurance.

It has over 7,000 five-star reviews. The best part about it is when you order it from AthleticGreens.com/GTSC, you are going to get a year’s supply free of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs. Our show loves to promote it. Thank you, Athletic Greens. It is time for Jen Eckhart to Gut The Sacred Cow.

I would rather go spend a Saturday in detention somewhere at a school than be forced to sit down and watch this movie again. I am not even joking. The fact that I could not even find it on any streaming platform and had to pay $3.99 to write it on Amazon Prime, I am going to write a strongly worded letter to Jeff Bezos demanding my $3 back. I want to tell your audience something. This movie is not even worth $0.25 of your time. This movie is so bad that even actress Molly Ringwald herself agrees with how bad the film is and that it did not age well.

Where did you see this?

She wrote an op-ed in The New Yorker after sitting down and watching it with her daughter years later and was embarrassed by the film. She explained that scene where Bender not only kicks up the character’s skirt but also touches her inappropriately. When she does not consent and calls him a jerk, he responds, “Sue me.” She should Sue him. In fact, that would have made for a much more interesting plotline than whatever garbage the movie was. Honestly, I do not even know what happened in the movie.

A friend of mine who hadn’t seen the film goes, “What happens in The Breakfast Club?” I am like, “They go to detention.” They are like, “That is it?” I am like, “Yeah.” There is no real beginning, middle, and end here. This is disconcerting, but they had to hire an adult woman for the shot of Claire’s underwear. They could not even ask Molly Ringwald to do it because it was not permitted by law to ask a minor.

She was sixteen when she filmed this, but she looked 27 in this film.

That is fair. The scene stayed. Bender was sexually harassing her throughout the film, goes on his little rage with his vicious contempt calling her pathetic and mocking her as a Queenie. Molly Ringwald even went on to write an essay detailing her many experiences of sexual harassment and assault over her acting career spanning four decades. I get it. I appreciate her sentiment in her coming forward and speaking up, but all that aside, Molly is an absolute train wreck of an actress. I am going to put it out there. She was terrible. I was a theater geek in high school. I hated Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, and The Breakfast Club.

The second point is the movie is insanely, casually homophobic. You alluded to the gay thing on the locker. It did not sit well with me. I did not find it funny. Who did not love locker graffiti growing up? I just did not find the humor in that. Also, one of the characters was making fun of the wrestler rolling around on the mat with other guys. I was like, “What do you have against wrestling?” There was Emilio Estevez’s confusing jock look when Ally Sheedy’s character had a makeover. Are we supposed to believe that Emilio was all of a sudden entranced with this woman?

Look who’s the mean girl now.

It is the opposite. I liked her messy appearance because that is what made her, her. What they are trying to say is, “You just need a little bit of lipstick and you are good to go.” Conformity sucks. That is what made her character cool because she was such an oddball. It pissed me off. He started noticing her. I was like, “Do you expect me to believe there is a romance brewing between you two? Give it a rest.”

In the last five minutes of the movie, after hating each other so much, they have some weird heart-to-heart moments, like everyone bonds over their collective weird daddy issues. You both know that is true. Everyone in that film had daddy issues. Also, are supposed to believe that Molly Ringwald and Judd Nelson consensually wished to get together? I am sorry. I do not believe it. If a woman that was minutes before almost getting sexually taken advantage of decides to get with that person or her abuser, I find this extremely problematic.

Nothing happens in this film. If you want to watch some great films about teenage rebellion like Footloose, The Hunger Games, Thirteen, 10 Things I Hate About You, or even The Outsiders, this film blows. Honestly, I will never get that time back in my life. By the way, I thought she looked perfectly fine before the makeover. Also, in the end, the nerd does everyone’s work by writing the essay, and he is the only one who does not get the girl in the end. What is that? He did do the fist pump while walking out.

The Breakfast Club is insanely casually homophobic.

That was Bender. The nerd got picked up by his mom.

I hated the film. I would rather go be in detention than be forced to watch that again.

Is that the end of your salvo?

Your honor, I rest my case.

Give me a number from 1 to 10 then, please, Ms. Eckhart.

I will give it a two.

These notes are brought to you by GuttingTheSacredCow.com where every day, you find some fantastic merch where you see our smiling faces on it. We have hilarious mugs, hats, and cellphone holders. You name it. Be on the lookout. Our second live show is coming hopefully early than later. We have blog articles on the website every day. If you want to advertise with us, contact us at GuttingTheSacredCow@Gmail.com. Touch this locker and you die. I do miss locker graffiti. The hottest gossip was always on locker graffiti scribbled in a black or red marker for the pleasing aesthetic factor.

What is the best way to look rich without showing off your house or a bunch of money or riding a horse? It is a Burberry scarf in a tight shot. That is a hell of a library for a high school. These are trappings of a county library. Nice try, John Hughes. Is Saturday detention a thing? I have never heard of it, and if I got it, I would skip it and take the in-school suspension. I will be unlucky if I ever give up my Saturday morning cartoons for Saturday detention.

I like how Bender is the bad boy but he shows up for a Saturday detention.

Bender, Big Jay Oakerson, and Dice Clay are the last three dudes to wear fingerless gloves while not lifting weights. Here is how I think all of these characters ended up. Ally Sheedy moves to LA and dies in a snuff film. Emilio Estevez coaches high school football, teaches drama, and still drinks out of his alpha coffee mug. Molly Ringwald is divorced twice and has a vicious Chardonnay and Percocet habit as a fashion buyer for JC Penney’s, and Anthony Michael Hall is a college professor of Economics who writes a novel and keeps a stable of female students while getting an 8 out of 10 on a RateYourProfessor.com website. Judd Nelson, or as I call him, Hot Rod from the Transformers cartoon movie. Kevin Israel, what principal accepts to do Saturday detention every week? That is a job for new teachers or substitutes. He should be passing that off to the peons of the school to do.

I looked it up. He was the vice-principal.

They said he was the principal. At first, I thought he was a teacher, and my wife goes, “He is the principal. He has his own office.” I go, “He could be borrowing an office.” He had his name on there and it did not say principal. Judd Nelson looks like that 24-year-old that comes to the loner girl’s senior prom every year without fail. This is a bunch of White people nonsense, and this is coming from the Whitest of White people, me.

I have seen at least four Bender wannabes at open mics over the years in comedy. I am sure you did too, Kevin. I forgot who said it, but someone said, “Eat my shorts.” Was this a thing in the ‘80s and Bart Simpson stole it from this? I set fire to a fair amount of things as a teenager, but my own shoe was something I never set fire to.

Ally Sheedy must be on bath salts in this film. Call me weird, but I hated it when Judd Nelson started ripping apart a book. There is a part of me that hates it when people do that and start ripping apart books. This whole film is one huge That Does not Happen. No one is having existential conversations in detention. Everyone is carving into the desk. Remember how cool and a scare you were if you carried a switchblade in the ‘80s?

There is one more That Does not Happen. Claire brings in a bento box of sushi that is unrefrigerated and her own container of soy sauce. It was not a squirt packet but a little ramekin bowl. We get it. She is high society. What, John Hughes? $1 million does not buy caviar for her to eat on a cracker? A sugar sandwich with cereal. We get it. She is quirky. The heavy-handedness in this film runs rampant. If the usual suspects are one of the best reveals of all time, Bender revealing that his dad beats him is the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Who did not see that coming?

The stereotypical sliding down the hall. We have seen and done that a million times. Are you telling me that he could not hear squealing sneakers? Michael Jordan could not stop on a dime without making a sound but these four kids could not stop and not be seen or heard by the principal. When he said, “I make $31,000 and I have a home. I am not giving it up,” that is a lusty $82,000 he is bragging about. He does not have 45,000 shares on Amazon. The way he talked about it with such bravado and boisterous about him, I guess that is what the high end of living is over in Decatur, Illinois.

The stakes in this film are horribly low. Smoking a joint in the library in the ‘80s is akin to getting a girl in high school an abortion in the ‘90s and bringing a gun into school in the 2000s. Judd Nelson and Rob Lowe look eerily similar. For the biggest That Does not Happen, Emilion Estevez takes two hits of weed and he is jumping around as he fell face-first into Scarface and Tony Montana’s mountain of cocaine. That does not happen. Weed does not work like that. You do not hop around like you had coke down. You do not hop around like Dwight Gooden in the ‘86 World Series when you take two hits of weed.

To punctuate the insanity, he screams and shatters glass like he is a mezzo-soprano or Michael Jackson in the Scream video he did. Also, there is a confederate flag in the library when you see Emilio Estevez dancing around and all hopped up. Finally, we get to an interesting part of the film. There is some pathos when Emilio Estevez does feel bad for the taping of butt cheeks. Taping of butt cheeks sounds like the title of the latest James Patterson novel.

Vernon does not come in when they are all yelling at each other. How timely. I forgot the nerd brought a flare gun in there. I liked the twist when he thought he was going to go all Columbine on them. It was a flare. That was cute and clever. We have Ally Sheedy in another That Does not Happen. When she said she did not have anything better to do, that was nonsense. I would rather mow my parents’ lawn for $25.

The principal did not call her out on it.

I laughed out loud when she said that.

The best part of the film is the soundtrack by a country mile. There is no payoff or consequence when Warner goes through the confidential files. Why is he going through them? What is he looking for? When the janitor catches them, there is no punishment or any stakes. Jen already said this, but I am supposed to believe Molly Ringwald and Bender got together. Here is a real That Does not Happen Moment. They start sucking face in front of Molly Ringwald’s das as he waits in the car.

They were leaning on the car.

Nothing alluded to the title of The Breakfast Club during this film. How did they come to that title? Are they having breakfast? Are they now a club? The movie title was set before the film. Jen, I loath to give you any credit, but this film does indeed suck. I never liked this film. As I said before in this show a million times, I love John Hughes and I hate John Hughes. Pretty In Pink is so terrible. We did it on this show. Juliette Miranda did it, and she did a very above-average job as well. That film is terrible. I love Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. I love Uncle Buck. I hate this film. I hate Sixteen Candles. What other ones am I missing, Kevin Israel? I hate saying this, but it is such White people’s nonsense.

That is a perfect way to describe it.

I think this film is trash and my score of 2 out of 10 says so. Kevin Israel, the floor is yours.

You took all of my notes. Here is the thing. As a 45-year-old guy, watching a movie about high school angst is tough because high school is so far in the rearview mirror, but we never forget about those experiences. You start to be able to gauge the magnitude of what you took so seriously. Looking at all that stuff and thinking how they were all so upset about their lives and it was so hard, it is like, “Be on the verge of missing a mortgage payment. Have trouble conceiving a child. Do not whine to me that your parents put a lot of pressure on you so you will go to a good college.”

When was the first time you saw this film?

I have no idea.

I am going to assume it is not that long after high school or during high school.

I probably saw it after high school.

I hated it when I first saw it too. I forgot when I saw it, but even on my first watch, I was like, “This sucks.”

The real core of this movie is about how hard these kids’ lives are and how they find commonality amongst their very different versions of suffering, but as an adult, that was my initial reaction to watching it again. To be honest, I do not know that I ever watched this movie all the way through because at the end, I looked at my wife and I was like, “Is this when he puts his fist in the air?” I knew that iconic moment, but I was not even sure.

I kept looking at my phone. It was so uninteresting to me that I had to rewind.

This is an hour and a half long film and I hit the display button 4 to 5 times.

I had to watch it in two sittings.

Did you really?

Yeah. I turned it off at an hour and five minutes in and I was like, “I will finish the next 26 minutes tomorrow.” The movie feels like a short story that somebody was like, “We are going to drag this out into a movie.” I get it. All these kids are sharing their moments of suffering and bonding, but they beat the point to death so badly and all they can do is reinforce the stereotypes of each of these kids. It is so boring. We get it. The jock is a jock, the popular girl is a popular girl, and the nerd is a nerd. There is nothing interesting about them beyond the two-dimensional character archetypes that they created.

There is no climax in this movie. There is no moment where you are like, “This is it.” Everything happens and then they walk away from it. Even in the relationships that were formed, which felt like he did not know what to do. He was like, “There are two girls, two guys, and a nerd. The two girls and the two guys are getting together.”

GSC 121 | The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club: There is no real climax in this movie. No moment will make you say “This is it.” Everything just sort of happens.

 

There was very little chemistry, I thought, between Ringwald and Judd Nelson. I almost think it robbed the two characters of what they were trying to build up by the fact that they ended up in a relationship. Judd Nelson could not say, “I am staying the way I am.” Instead, he fell for her. What is even more ridiculous is Estevez and the other girl got together. There was no chemistry there. She walks out and is a little bit prettier, and he is like, “I got to go out with you. She said she eats with her feet. I do not care if she came out and she looked like Pam Anderson.

She said she writes with her feet.

She did, and then she said, “I can eat with my feet. I can play piano with my feet.” The movie ends and nobody cares. The interesting point in the movie is when the nerd asks, “What is going to happen on Monday? Are we going to be friends on Monday?” That, to me, was the most interesting conversation. He was like, “We spent all this time together. What is going to happen?” That was the most honest moment, and then Claire said no. I was like, “This is going to be interesting,” and then that did not even go anywhere. That was the moment in the movie that this whole movie was building up to and then it deflated. Nothing happened.

It felt like things were going to happen. Even when Bender was like, “I am going to distract the principal so you guys can get back.” He was sacrificing himself, but nothing happened with it. The whole movie was a big, nothing burger. It was so boring and dull. Also, the soundtrack pissed me off. I hated all those songs.

Also, why did they have to drag David Bowie into this? Did you guys catch that Bowie quote?

I was doing the research. I saw this too. Ally Sheedy loved Bowie. She said that quote popped out and she championed for it to be in the opening monologue.

He is way too cool to belong there.

Also, I do not like modeling Molly Ringwald, but we covered that in Pretty In Pink or whatever movie we watched of hers that also sucked. I am going to leave it at that. This is an awful movie people have made iconic because the actors at the time were big and they all want to remember being in high school when they thought they were better looking, but they were jerks. This movie stinks too.

I have one more point. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was a good high school movie. It captured high school. It captured sitting in class and being bored. All the kids knowing the popular kids, and the sister hating her little brother, you can do all that stuff. You can make it relevant and relatable even to an older audience. This did not do that and it was the same guy. He clearly had the ability, but instead, he made this awful movie. I am done. I give this a two. Jen, you sure thought you were going to come on here and face an uphill battle. Little did you know that this is running downhill. This film stinks. I blame Bill Schulz.

It was this or Groundhog Day. 

We will go to the Critics’ Five-Star Reviews. One said, “Hughes once again sensationally captures the feel of adolescent rebellion and non-conformity with both timeless severity and laugh-out-loud dialogue.” In the late John Hughes’ finest hour, he did not have many despite a prolific output, “The Breakfast Club was the best of the so-called brat pack features as well as a seminal film for many who came of age in the ‘80s.” Is it? I was nine when this came out. Was this a powerful film in the ‘80s?

I think it was. In the ‘80s, five years before our moment, all those movies were a big deal.

One also said, “It is a real piece of crap that I saw once and I will never watch it again.” Did you ever see St Elmo’s Fire? It was terrible.

I do like the song.

I do too. The next one says, “The film is an extraordinarily well-blended mix of humor, heartbreak, and anger as each character displays a pantheon of raw emotions.” Another critic said, “Hughes may deserve more plaudits as a social worker than a filmmaker, but you have to admit that his hokey situation plays. The reason is the five terrific young actors who bring more conviction to these parts than perhaps they deserve.” Molière’s famous work, Tartuffe, is about a pious fraud who turns out to be a criminal. The joke is that Bender is a criminal fraud who turns out to be pious.”

Let’s go to Critics’ One-Star Reviews. One said, “While meticulously drawn, the film’s characters are so stereotypically represented that the only lamest of moviegoers will not determine the respective backgrounds and problems long before the plotting movie does.” Another one said, “Does director John Hughes believe as he writes, when you grow up, your heart dies? It may, but not unless the brain has already started to rot with films like these.” One also said, “Nothing really changes. You hear nothing you haven’t heard before, but you know that for them, it is happening for the first time and they deserve compassion. I am not sure that is a good enough reason to see The Breakfast Club.”

Let’s go to Amazon’s Five-Star Reviews. One critic said, “When I told my son that his school is identical to my school back in the ‘80s, he scoffed as teenagers do. I would scoff, too, because his school has high-speed internet while we had Oregon Trail. I asked him if he ever saw Breakfast Club. He said he heard of it, but never saw it. (Mom gets on her Amazon app and immediately orders a blue ray with one click.) A few days later, it arrives in the mail. I hand it over to my son and say, ‘Here is your school in movie form.’ With a scoff and eye roll added for effect, he trudges upstairs and I hear it tossed on his desk. Fast forward to a Sunday, he is bored. He graces us with his presence that Sunday afternoon and it looks like he is had an epiphany. ‘Mom, you were right. That movie is exactly like my school. Some moms are right. It happens.’ I said, ‘No kidding because that was my high school.’”

Your mom went to school with a bunch of vapid characters that no one cares about? It sounds like mom was a Molly Ringwald knockoff. My wife wanted to watch this with our kids because she remembered loving it so much as a kid and wanted them to see it so they would enjoy it as well. As we got into it, we remember that the ‘80s were a different time for movies than they are now as people are able to get away with a whole lot more. She had forgotten completely about the joint scene where they all got high. That may be fine for most of the country, but I am not going to encourage my children to do drugs myself.

As a rule, I do not watch movies more than once as it is incredibly annoying and feels like such a waste of time. This one, however, I watch over and over, but not back to back, mind you. I never tire of this one. I have seen it so many times that I have memorized every line. It is an awesome story. Another critic said, “How can anyone not like this movie? The ‘80s did a lot of things right. Fashion, food, music, and movies. Particularly teen and romance films. If you do not pump your fist at the end of this film along with Judd Nelson, then somewhere, you miss something. It might seem simple and pointless, but the underlining epic library dance, weed, sexual innuendos, and all-out teen drama.”

Let’s go to Amazon’s One-Star Reviews. One said, “I forgot this movie has a ton of foul language. I remember the TV version of my mind. I won’t run it again.” I am so evil for laughing at this one, but I still laugh. He said, “It does not come with the digital code. It is very disappointing because I rely on those because I am unable to put in a disc as I am bedridden.” Signed, Larry Flynt. The next one is, “I could not finish this movie. The overt sexual harassment was unwatchable. I do not care if John gets a redemption arch later. Trash.” Signed Kevin Spacey. One said, “I waited 30 years to see it. I should have waited for another 80.”

Another critic said, “Never show teenagers this movie. In fact, never show it to adults. Since it is R-rating, it is not for teens even though it is about teenagers. Every student has bad parents. That is crap. Judd Nelson was not good for the role because he looked about 30. Emilio Estevez squeaked in the sense of age he repeated 12th grade. Sexual harassment is very evident in this movie even though a sixteen-year-old probably shouldn’t be thinking more about it. The language is so bad in this movie like John Hughes decided to change the English language into swear words for this movie alone. I looked up the script for this movie on an SRT file. It has 28 F words in it. I do not include the other bad words in innuendo. Innuendo is not the word. Sometimes, it is out there.” I want them to watch Django Unchained and then keep count. I forgot they rated this r. I thought Hughes only did PG or PG-13 films.

This was R?

I had the same reaction, but so were Planes, Trains, and Automobiles because of the one scene. Here is the last one. He said, “John Hughes knows all teenagers? Why are all of them the most disrespectful, idiotic, rebellious pieces of dog meat to ever walk the Earth? I was a teenager. I know what it was like, and this movie is not it. It is garbage. Walk away, and when they walk away, should they raise their fists in the air too?” It never leaves me hanging. Did Jen Eckhart gut the sacred cow?

Jen, there was a lot of pressure put on you because of your last performance trying to undertake a movie that most people with a soul and love. You’ve come back, and unfortunately, you did it. I think you got this cow, but I also think this was a bit of an easy one. You’ve said it before, Kevin. Our guests are onto the formula. We need to come up with a twist.

Bill Schulz is the one who spewed this formula to her ear.

I could have gone Groundhog Day too.

I think this was more fun. When I did a Donna and Schulz show, she was like, “What movie is coming up?” I go, “We are doing The Breakfast Club.” She and her cohost were both incredulous.

It is a conversation piece. I find that you either have people on one side of the spectrum or the other. They either love it or they hate it.

Are they artistic or not artistic? Which one? This film is indefensible. I do not know why people like it so much. You have to ask them questions like, “Why do you like it so much?” If they say the word nostalgia at any point in their argument, they are done. That is it.

I agree.

Let’s be honest, Jen. In some of these other films, the cow already had the noose around its neck. Three of the legs on the chair were broken. It was the fourth leg that needed kicking out. You kicked out the fourth and final leg.

Give me the victory.

You have the victory. Is it an overwhelming victory? No. It is someone fumbled on the one-yard line. He picked up and fell into the end zone for the touchdown. Good for you. Speaking of falling into the end zone, why do not you tell us what you are up to, where we can find you, and all that good stuff?

Like you two, I launched a podcast of my own called REINVENTED with Jen Eckhart. It is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify. I have had great guests on. I am bringing on people from all walks of life who are on various journeys of reinventing themselves. I had Sean Paul, Kathy Ireland, Travis Pastrana, Chris Jericho, Patricia Heaton, and Melissa Rivers. I am getting a lot of interesting names on with cool stories, whether they were alcoholics, they got sick, or took a different career trajectory in life. They have such interesting stories. Tune in. It is a pretty fun show and I have a lot of fun with it.

Go to KevinIsrael.com for upcoming comedy dates. They are slowly trickling in as we forge our way out of this pandemic. Come, laugh, enjoy, and live a normal life once again. In the meantime, while you are still sitting at home wondering what you can do, you can go on your podcast platform of choice and leave us a five-star rating and a quick sentence review. Kevin Gootee likes to feature some of the best, and he does, and people love seeing him. If you want to be featured by us, all you got to do is go to wherever you are tuning into and say something nice.

Go to KevinGootee.com for all shenanigans, some foolery and debauchery, pics, dates, and all that good stuff. Also, go to GuttingTheSacredCow.com for blogs and That Does not Happen. It is where the merch shop is where you can pick up more mugs, hats, and bags. We even have hoodies too. If you want to advertise with us, contact us at GuttingTheSacredCow@Gmail.com. Do not forget to smash that subscribe button on the YouTube page for us. It does help.

Most importantly, thank you for giving us an hour and change or whatever it is of your time every week. We love hearing from you, Ask a Gutter, and interacting with you. You guys helped us double our listenership from 2021. That is amazing. Thank you for telling all your friends. It truly makes us happy. Thank you very much. See you later.

 

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