At the risk of sounding viciously redundant, here we go again. ANOTHER bulletproof film that Kevin Gootee and Kevin Israel thought would NEVER face the hangman is here. Our pal, David the Producer, feels that Back to the Future is completely undeserving of all its love and acclaim. No typos here. You read that correctly. DTP hates the tale of the high school kid and wacky professor that builds a time machine…out of a DeLorean? We’re as shocked and aghast as you are, but if anyone has the chops to pull off an impossible gutting, it’s David the Producer.
We can’t express how thankful we are that you continue to give us an hour of your time every week. Thank you!
Head on over to www.athelticgreens.com/gtsc. Then, you’ll get 5 travel packs along with a year’s supply of Vitamin D for FREE. And it helps us out in the long run!
Don’t forget. You can find us on all podcasts platforms: apple iTunes, Spotify, Google, Speaker, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, and Castbox. You name it, and we’re on it! And you can also see our handsome yet smug faces on Youtube as well. https://guttingthesacredcow.com/where-to-listen-see-us/ Hello to our new friends! We love it when you click “subscribe”, like us on social media, and most importantly, when you tell your friends/family about our podcast.
Looking to sell your product, advertise your services, or raise brand awareness? We’d love to help you, and we can be reached at [email protected].
Thank you ALL for continually shouting us out on social media. We love when you do that as well as leave us those 5-star ratings and 2-3 sentence reviews. Guttingthesacredcow.com is you get that sweet ass merch, go grab a hat or mug post haste!
We’re now doing over blogs, video style, at Patreon now: patreon.com/guttingthesacredcow
Social media for the gang: @KevinGootee on Twitter, FB, IG. www.kevingootee.com @kevinisrael_NJ on twitter, FB, @Kevin_israel_comedy on IG www.kevinisrael.com @behindtherant and @unwriteablerant
—
Listen to the podcast here
David The Producer ELECTROCUTES Back To The Future
David the Producer returns to do probably the hardest film I have ever seen done in this show, Back to the Future. Ponder that for a second before we get into it. A reminder, thanks to everyone who came to the live show. What a rousing success. We cannot say how happy we were to see a lot of familiar friends and faces. We love everyone who came and those of you who are going to read to appreciate that episode.
Next, of course, let’s talk about those five-star ratings and 2 or 3-sentence reviews. Keep them coming, folks. You know we love them. We need them for the algorithm. That does help. Patreon.com/GTSC. Five dollars a month gets access to our vlogs where we do that. Movie quotes, movies we have seen, movie news, all the usual shenanigans. Let’s see if David the Producer can do the absolute impossible and gut Back to the Future.
—
“It is not a lie if you believe it.” Kevin Israel named that film.
Nope, he has not.
David the Producer, one of our fan favorites’ nay enemies, according to the group. Do you know what line that film is from?
I do not. I am trying to think through it and I got nothing.
“It is not a lie if you believe it,” Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Who said it?
Damone, when he is telling the nerd kid about life.
I should know that.
I thought that was a pretty easy one. I am not going to bullshit. We are back, gutting the sacred cow yet again. Another fun-filled edition. There is never a loss of love for our guest, especially his wife. Since he is on the show, David the Producer, joins us. How are you?
I am doing awesome. I will tell you that leading up to this specific episode, I have caught more crap from your audience that you have no idea. I am getting side DMs and tweets. I cannot even tell you how much crap I have taken for this.
If there is a knock at the door, do not answer.
It is Jim Garrison’s ghost trying to lock you up with Tommy Lee Jones’ Clay Shaw. I love David for many reasons. I know it is a cliche, but his zero attitude is perfect because people quote to us. My favorite episodes are Pretty in Pink. Your wife did that one. The Goonies, you did that one.
I feel like Goonies was a turning the corner moment for our show. People caught on to what we were doing with David’s gutting of The Goonies.
That is where our show turned that from 1st gear to 2nd gear. We are like, “This is some decent crap here.” Remind me Pirates of the Caribbean, Goonies, and Dirty Dancing. Am I missing one, or is this number four for you?
This is number four. I will take you back down to first gear after this one.
David alluded to all his hate tweets and DMs. David decided to do it, and I swear this is becoming a hack and it makes me sick saying it, but Kevin Israel. We said this from Jump Street. This is one film that would never, ever face scrutiny. David the Producer has chosen the 1985 all-time Americana classic Back to the Future. My brother, Brian, has tagged me on texts. Who are the hardcore twins in the late ‘90s on WWF, the Black guy and the White guy, ECW dudes?
He goes, “If you need me to tag in, I am right here.” It is the Dudley Boyz. My brother texted me five times. He goes, “You are screwing me. You are kidding.” He goes, “I am ready to tag.” I sent back a quote from Pulp Fiction, “You do not have to worry, Jules. I am on the motherfucker. Go back in there, show those blanks out and wait for the wolf who should be coming directly.” Let’s go back to the Back to the Future in 1985.
You and I had a conversation after I picked the movie. We were texting back and forth and you go, “Are you sure you want to do this movie?” I am like, “If I did not hate it, I would not do it.”
People, including Bill Schultz, our friend, goes, “He is trying to troll. He picked three legit films and he dug all of them.” If he says that is the case, then I believe my friend. In 1985, the budget was $19 million. It is a box office haul of $388.8 million. Turn that in 2022 money, a $50.3 million budget is $1.027 billion budget. Kevin Israel, this is the third film in about a month or maybe a shade over a month that we have had. Delvin Cox being the last one. Even before this, the fan patrol folks who did Return of the Jedi decided to tangle with a film that did $1 billion in nowaday’s money.
Could you imagine turning $50 million into $1 billion with just a movie? That is insanity.
Steven Spielberg did it twice.
I would have thought more actually.
Back to the Future is a better sci-fi movie than it is a time-travel movie.
I had to go back and look at Raiders!. Raiders! probably has to be there too. Let’s assume three. The Temple of Doom is God in the doorstep as Crusade. IMDb, as we all know, is 1 through 10 with decimal points. David the Producer, what do you think that IMDb has for Back to the Future?
8.7.
Kevin Israel?
I am going to go a little higher, 9.1.
8.6. David the Producer missing it via one con tear. Kevin Israel, Rotten Tomatoes critic score, 1 through 100? You know the drill. Hit me.
Eighty-two.
David the Producer?
I will go 88.
Ninety-six. You guys are departed. You should know better than that.
I thought there were going to be critics, myth billing, and audience high.
Audience score, David the Producer. What do you think?
Ninety-two.
Kevin Israel?
Ninety-five.
Ninety-four. Raiders of the Lost Ark scored $389 million. 1981 money to 2022 money is $1.219 billion. The man is a master.
Except for makeup in this movie.
I will see you at war crimes for the Hague. Kevin, I am going to take a lot of meat off the bone, as you love to say, but I am pretty sure I am going to leave you a lot less. Again, my brother, Brian, this is his favorite movie of all time so I would be doing him an injustice. Number one, “Get your damn hands off her. Say hi to your mom for me.”
The underrated. I got your car towed over here and all you have is light beer. I love this line, David, his brother, “God damn it. I am late.” Gets up at his Burger King uniform. “Who do you think? The Libyans.” “Ronald Reagan, the actor?” “I will have a tab. I cannot give you a tab in order or anything. How about a Pepsi free? If you want a Pepsi, pal, you got to pay for it.” “What are you looking at, butthead? You have two TVs. You must be rich.” My all-time favorite classic is, “What the hell is this?” “Breakfast.” Did I leave anything for you, Kevin, or is it all gone?
“Doc, you built a time machine out of a DeLorean?” I do not know how you did not say this one.
I left a lot for you.
“Roads? Where are we going? We do not need roads.” “Who is vice president, Jerry Lewis?” “I suppose Jane Mansfield is Secretary of State.” David, go ahead. Quote away.
This is one of my favorites because it sets up such a hacky bit in the whole movie, “Chuck, it is your cousin Marvin. Marvin Berry. Do you know what the do sound you were looking for? Listen to this.”
Every time my wife and I hear a band or a song we like, we say that quote. It is the cheesiest, most painful thing we do.
Cringe that thing. You got my roads one. I do like it actually. My second one would be, “Why do not you make like a tree and get out of here?”
I know this film as well as I know Caddyshack. I am sure Israel is in the same boat. We will get to that. Five Fun Facts. The famous clock tower climax to the movie was not part of the script. Instead, Marty and Doc would have visited a nuclear test site in Nevada and the nuclear explosion would have sent the DeLorean Back To The Future. This was changed because the whole sequence would have proved to be too expensive.
They would not have made it back.
Sid Sheinberg, the head of Universal Studios, did not like the title Back to the Future. He sent a memo to Zemeckis and Gale outlining his reasons and asking to change it to, what? Take a guess. The answer is in the film actually.
I saw this on How You Make Movies or whatever that documentary thing is.
We had that guy on our show, by the way, Brian Volk Weiss. Go ahead and take a guess if you were to venture one. The answer is in the film. The answer is Spaceman from Pluto, the title of George Mcfly’s book. Luckily, producer Steven Spielberg stepped in. He replied to Scheinberg’s memo with one of his own that simply said, “Sid, thanks for your humorous memo. We all got a big kick out of it. Thanks, Steven.” Passive-aggressive. Number three, the script for Back to the Future was rejected how many times?
Fifteen.
David the Producer, how many times do you think Back To The Future has been rejected by the Studios?
I heard quite a few times. I am going to say four.
Forty-four.
Every time I get knocked down trying to pitch my shows to a network, my wife goes, “Breaking Bad was turned down seventeen times.” I go, “My show is not Breaking Bad.” Breaking Bad is a goddamn great show. Forty-four times. Columbia said it was “too sweet.” Universal originally said, “Time-travel movies do not make any money.” Disney said, “It is too incestuous,” but then they go by Return of the Jedi.
Number four, in the first drafts, the time machine was the time chamber, a room that Marty would go into and be zapped back into time. That then changed into a big 1950-style refrigerator that Marty would climb into and the refrigerator we travel back in time. Zemeckis and Spielberg scrapped the idea when they became worried about children climbing into the and becoming trapped. Steven Spielberg used that idea for Indiana Jones part 4, which sucked.
Do you know what I specifically remember as a kid? There was a G.I. Joe episode. The PSA was about kids climbing into discarded refrigerators. I even remember as a kid thinking, “Is this a problem? Is this something that is happening?”
The one that always stands out to me is Roadblock driving up in a Jeep where there is a live wire down the highway. I forgot he said either A) You will be deader than fried chicken or B) deader than barbecue. Either way, I paid attention because Roadblock was my favorite G.I. Joe. Number five, Biff Tannen, the real character is named Thomas Wilson, is a standup comic.
Whenever people meet him, he hands out a card of FAQs, “Yes, I am Tom Wilson. I am Biff from Back to the Future. Michael J. Fox is nice. No, I am not in close contact with him. Christopher Lloyd is nice. Leah Thompson is nice. Crispin Glover is unusual, but not as unusual as he sometimes presents himself. Eric Stoltz originally played Marty, but was fired due to performance issues. He had a couple of personal issues, but it is all fine now.”
He has a song about it.
My brother saw him do standup live.
In his standup, he performs the song. That is exactly everything you said but a song.
It is a goddamn shame he is never made it to more notoriety. It is weird too. It is not like he felt like a one-trick pony with this, or he had a look like, “He could only be Biff.” I am surprised. He was so good at this.
Nothing says comedy like an acoustic guitar on stage. I am just saying.
Doesn’t Carrot Top play guitar, too, besides props? I will go screw myself. It is time for our favorite subject, which David alluded to earlier, Ask a Gutter. Rex Crum says, “I am going to label the attempted gutters of these two classics, last night being Jedi tonight being Back to the Future as commies who should be deported to Gitmo.”
The science behind time travel is too confusing, which is why a lot of time travel movies are not good. There are so many plot holes.
Not a question. That is a statement. I totally tell that guy to go screw himself.
He is a journalist. The Something Something podcast are pals who do have those fine pieces of artwork where I cannot Photoshop, as you have seen by the earlier episodes, but they do a great job. He has a question for you. They have redone Fresh Prince as a serious drama Bel-Air. A pitch meeting for Back to the Future rebooted as horror ends. Who are the leads? I am reading this verbatim.
I saw this on Twitter and I gave this a lot of thought. I came up with Black to the Future, starring Tony Todd as Doc Brown. It is a horror movie. You got to have Tony Todd. He is old enough to be Doc Brown. You have Donald Glover as Marty McFly and Aisha Tyler as Lorraine.
Next, Brandon Oglesbee writes for David the Producer. Is Back to the future a better time-travel movie or a science fiction movie? If it is a no either way, what is a better one?
It has a lot of gaps in the time travel. There are many movies that are out there, like Terminator or T2. I do not have to tell you all of them. This one has a lot of gaps. It is a better sci-fi movie than it is a time-travel movie.
@Pedestrian says, “Back to the Future is a good one. John Linnie took down its main glaring gripe, ‘Why would a teen befriend a disgraced physicist?’”
That is pedophile-like. Their relationship is a little weird. It makes no sense. Why would a kid that is into rock and roll, a guitar player, a free spirit, and got his girlfriend, hanging out with a 70-year-old professor? That makes no fricking sense to me at all.
The cartoon Rick and Morty were completely based on that.
It was originally Doc and Marty. If you go to the YouTube of the original Rick and Morty, it is all about Doc trying to get Morty to suck his d***. It is hysterical.
Unpopular take, I did not find Rick and Morty that funny. I am not a Rick and Morty fan either, but what it was originally supposed to be when you know that it is supposed to be Doc and Marty and they make any bones about it, no pun intended. It is funny.
@Tacoshirtkrillin question is, “What is the second craziest thing you have ever done in your life next to try to take Back to the Future down?”
I am starting a podcast with my wife. That is probably the second craziest thing.
You and Rich Vos should hold hands together then. @JayleeDs says, “It is Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. Marvin Berry breaks his arm in an unfortunate accident and hands you his guitar. The crowd is enthusiastically awaiting. What song, David the Producer? Do you attempt to play and sing to blow their balls off?”
One, I cannot sing, so let’s start there. I am going to go without vocals. We are going Eruption, Van Halen. If their minds are not blown by that, nothing will.
You can play Eruption bass, can you?
I could play the guitar for about the first 30 seconds and then I started to have a stroke.
If you could play a minute and a half, you have my ultimate respect. @Eric4953 says, “What was more offensive? The attempted rape scene or the use of the racial slur, spook, especially for a PG-rated movie?”
This movie doesn’t age well.
He writes back, “I should have phrased the question better. Which would you be least offended to taking a child to a PG movie, rape or racism?”
Rape.
@Matt357871 said, “Are you surprised in our year of 2022 that we are not driving around in hovercrafts fueled by household garbage?”
No. I am surprised that we were still wearing masks but that is a whole different story.
Someone did Geno Bisconte’s show. @Lordsnurse says, “What else would you use a time machine to do the Nasty in the Pasty? If yes, would you use protection?”
I would do Nasty in the Pasty as long as I had big sheers or clippers to get all that hair off those women because, in the ‘50s, it was not good.
It was like trying to screw Robin Williams’ back hair.
Yeah, and not as funny, obviously.
Back in the ‘50s, you could probably drop your crap in a cup of Scope mouthwash and be good.
The protection one was a twist that I saw in that question at the end. Do you want to have protection? Yes, because in the future, you would still have a kid if you went back, so you do use protection.
@Xiphos says, “Behind the rand has a large mountain of scale on this one.” That is a statement. @Eric4953 jumps back in here. “Was it so bad that Wendie Jo Sperber disappeared in Back to the Future? Her best work was Blizzard Buddies” We write back, “How dare you forget Bachelor Party?”
She had such a small part and barely any lines. She was a non-factor in this, even though they made it a big factor going into the next series of the trilogy. She was nothing in number one.
She was nothing in number 2 and number 3.
As a memory or as a part of the love factor in number two, they still brought her back.
I do not remember her at all at number two.
Was she back in number two, or am I crazy?
It was Marty’s daughter and his son who were in the future, and then 1885 had nothing to do with them.
She was not in the Western version, but in the second one, I thought that she was at the door, but didn’t they replace that?
It was grandmom and grandpop. It was George and Lorraine McFly with the pizza.
Who are we saying wasn’t in two?
The sister and the brother were not in 2 or 3. Can you imagine those two, like, “This movie made a load of money? Steven Spielberg, come on.”
They looked like they were adopted. They did not even look like part of the family. I do not even know why they made it in the first one.
We will find out. Kevin Israel, I am like Pavlov’s dog after ringing that bell five times. I am salivating to hear this argument. We are not going to keep our friend waiting any longer. It is time for David the Producer do Gut the Sacred Cow.
I have to start off by saying that I am not looking either to move. I love that because it is awesome. I was sitting there with Juliette and we were watching it. I am taking notes and doing my little thing. She is like, “Do you hate this movie?” I go, “Yeah. This movie sucks balls. I do not like it.” She is like, “You better come up with a goddamn good argument because this is a beloved movie by literally everyone. Anyone that is over the age of 30 loves this movie.”
I am going to start with a preamble by saying I am not taking into account the other two movies in the trilogy because if I did that, it would take four hours to go through this bullshit because of the arguments of time travel and everything else would be way too long. My arguments are based on basically two core elements. That is time travel and how the movie has not aged well. Two simple core factors. I am going to start with time travel.
The entire theme of the movie is about time. The first scene is with Marty. He is late for school. Doc Brown is always flustered and pressed for time with the clock tower. You can go on and on about all the elements of time in this movie. They have plenty of time. They have a time machine. Has no one figured that out? No one has to be in a hurry. As a matter of fact, Doc had twelve of those plutonium casings in that case, which meant that they had twelve trips that they could have taken to change any of the movie, timelines, or the things that happened.
No movie needs back-to-back hero moments in the end.
Let’s look at the first-time travel segment that they had. It is the dog. The dog gets in the car. They send the dog back a few minutes as a test, but they established through the course of the movie that it takes either a plutonium canister or a lightning bolt to get simple and back. Who reloaded the DeLorean when the dog came back? Did the dog reload that?
Did you not see Benji?
I can explain that one. It did not go back and went forward in the future. It was not a return trip. He had him jumped a minute or five minutes into the future, whatever it was. That was when he looked at it and was like, “We are a minute behind where he is,” something like that.
They did establish that every single trip, no matter how long it is, take a canister or something else. The dog could not load that thing.
It was already loaded.
It was loaded for the single trip, but then even if it was a minute, he had to go back, or even if he was going forward into the future, it did not matter because they went forward into the future the other time and they needed the Mr. Fusion. Let’s take another look at this then from time travel. Marty accidentally stops his parents from meeting and getting together. We all know that. This results in Marty slowly disappearing from existence. His parents never got together and Lorraine never gave birth to Marty. What if Marty actually disappeared? What would happen?
Nothing. They would have kids eventually and he would be there whenever.
No. If he disappeared, that means he would not have existed in the present, which means he never accidentally prevented his parents from meeting, and he never traveled back in time.
We are doing fourth dimension thinking, Kevin Israel. I have been drinking a little bit too much.
You have to remember that this is all about time travel and how bad and sucky time travel movies are.
You are right. I am loathed to get into this. We have to have this discussion. They explain the science in the second movie. He shows that we are here, and then you go back, you change something, and you create an alternate reality here. This reality would keep going. The problem is once they explain that, if you go back to the first movie and consider what they have done, they did not actually correct anything. They just created a new reality. The science behind time travel, we could spend an entire volume of the show talking about whether the science was right around.
Wait until we do The Butterfly Effect in the next episode.
I do like the butterfly effect.
It is not bad.
That is not a bad movie. That one gets time travel probably more right than any other movie I have seen. For something that does not exist, you at least believe it.
There was stuff I liked about it and stuff that they clearly were like, “We are not going to get into this. We are not even going to address it.”
I will give that to you. I have another point about time travel. Marty realizes he can warn Doc Brown. He says, “I have all the time in the world.” He decides to go back ten minutes earlier. He has a time machine and he could have traveled at any point in 1985. He decides, “I am going to push my luck. Let’s go with ten minutes. Ten minutes is good for me.”
Roll the dice, Marty. Say half an hour.
Especially when he knows his only form of transportation is a skateboard.
That was the other point.
You want to shoot him down if he is wrong.
Here is my other issue with it. Doc gets back from the future with the Mr. Fusion in the car, which means he can go anywhere at any time and could have erased all the previous travels and the need for plutonium altogether. That was a non-factor. At that point, when he created Mr. Fusion, he could go back.
It was not a negative effect they created. Why go back and screw with that timeline? Everything worked out for the best. Marty came back. He still discovered time travel. He bumped his head in the sink. Everything worked out for the best. Why go back in time and say, “I want to be environmentally sound. Instead of not doing a nuclear fusion, I can do garbage and set and then skew everything else. No, I will keep it as is. I will let this slide.”
It is not the point of the whole being eco-friendly. It is the point of he had twelve opportunities with what he had in his arsenal to be able to get back and forth to now having unlimited and being able to go anywhere. He could have gone back and stopped the Libyans or bought the plutonium from somebody else if he could not create the Mr. Fusion at that point? Why bother?
Here are some tweezers. Here is some pepper. Pick out the black for the white specs. Go ahead.
Time travel movies are not good and have so many plot holes.
What did you think of Avengers: Endgame?
I will call it slightly entertaining because I like Marvel movies in general. It is another time travel movie.
What about Edge of Tomorrow?
I have not seen that one.
You are missing out. Edge of Tomorrow is a great movie. If you hate it, that is your next film. It is great.
I will get off the time travel thing because you guys are obviously not digging the time travel. There are plot holes, but let’s move on. At the end of the movie, every member of the McFly family is depicted as being cooler or they look healthier. They are wealthier for sure. It makes no sense that they still live in that crap box of a house that they started off in the movie when they were poor.
That is a fair point. It was more spruced up. The bones are the same.
There are other weird elements of the movie. Biff is obviously a crappy person. No one is going to argue that. He legitimately tried to kill Marty in the town square and tried to rape Lorraine at the school dance. Why would George and Lorraine keep him around his house to help in the future? “Let’s keep the rapey guy around that tried to rape you in high school. He is waxed in the car. It is all good.”
“He was part of work release in prison. He did his time, I am sure. They got to sponsor me. I can always give us a 50% discount. If not, let’s call his parole officer and say he tried to finger popper again. Problem solved.”
Why take the chance is all I am saying.
I like going down an avenue that most people do not like going down, David. Stop trying to crap my brain.
Here is the part that confused the crap out of me. I do not know if you guys noticed it or not, but no movie needs back-to-back hero moments at the end. Hero moment number one, George gets Biff out of the car at the dance, clocks someone, and she falls in love with obviously George. Hero moment two, some douche bag jumps in and forces her to dance, which by the way, I do not know how you force someone to dance, but I will roll with that one. George pulls him off her, and all of a sudden, the kids start to reappear. He had two hero moments back-to-back that took way too long. Why have two hero moments? Defendable?
Bare points. That is why we are not crapping on them. Continue, please.
Also, when George gets Biff onto the car when he goes to clock him, why does Lorraine stay in the car? Run.
I had a problem with that too. I will say, “Go get a cop. Go get Principal Strickland,” because apparently, according to him, he is a slacker.
Let’s talk about the movie not aging well. These are so simple because these are the easy ones that a lot of people talk about. George McFly is a Peeping Tom. Marty and his mom have moments of incest. Various racial slurs throughout 3 or 4 scenes. Biff, God love him, hits the trifecta, dummy, bully, and rapist. Great job. I am going to end my argument with my favorite section of your show, which is That Doesn’t Happen.
Stop. I am going to bask in our glory. Kevin Israel, we need it. What else when people quote our own crap back to us?
That is why I have a soft spot in my heart for you.
Back to the Future did not age well. George is a peeping tom. And Biff hits the trifecta: dummy, bully, and rapist.
I love that that does not happen on the show. Doc Brown gets hit by the lightning, and all of a sudden starts running down the streets celebrating Marty’s departure. That does not happen. You do not get hit by lightning and start celebrating. He looks up Doc Brown in the phone book and says, “You are alive.” He knew how old he was. Why would he say he is alive when he knows he is alive? There are my arguments. I stand by them. Court adjourned.
Give me a number 1 to 10, David the Producer.
I give it a three. I hate it more than I hated all the other movies that I actually have done here on this show.
My brother is going to get on a plane right now and go to New Orleans. He is going to shoot you dead.
It is a hack movie. She talks about Pepsi free and all that stuff. That was invented in ’82, which is only three years before the movie was made and he went back. I can mention 1,000 moments in the movie awards totally contrived.
Remember when we had the guest on, and I cannot remember who it was.
What movie?
I do not remember the movie either, but they talked about the zombie moment where everywhere you are in a zombie movie and it takes halfway through for everyone to accept that they are zombies. It is such a great point. I mentioned this in my notes, but you brought it up ready. It drives me crazy because he already knew he was in the past. He accepted that and is still like, “You are the mayor.” Why would you say that?
Mayor Goldie Wilson like the sound of that.
I will leave with one last piece. I mentioned it earlier, but I have to mention it again. This is a Steven Spielberg movie. This guy has done the best special effects from any producer in most movies, but I am not giving a pass on this because his name is all over this movie. The makeup job, when they make them old with Lorraine and George McFly, is awful.
They are supposed to be alcoholics. What do you want? They are supposed to mask the share in Eric Stoltz, pun intended. They are supposed to look crappy. That is the point.
How come the principal does not age one single day?
That is in my notes.
It is Doc Brown.
No, he does.
He goes to the future and he goes, “I got some work done.”
That is the running gag that he is the same age, regardless of when.
Why the hell did Doc Brown need 85 clocks in his lab. He is more OCD than Donna Gootee, my mother. Why is Marty going to Doc’s lab before school? I waited until the absolute last second to be in bed before I had a rollout and went to school. How the hell did the Doc know that Marty was going to be in his lab to call him up to meet at the Twin Pines Mall at 1:20 that morning?
Good call on that one. I did not even notice that.
Marty leaves his house and he has to have a semblance of time. He could not have been there more than five minutes, but he was that late to school despite Doc’s clocks being 25 minutes behind. What was the point of Marty McFly blowing up that amp? Why the crap is he standing so God damn close to an 8-foot-tall amp and blasting it at 11:00? What did he think was going to happen?
Time to wear my jeans nipple high and start yelling at kids who stand on my sidewalk. Bonus fun fact, this was shot on the same lot as Gremlins was. If you look at the lot, that is where they had the gremlins and there were the sun and the Christmas trees. Marty McFly and George McFly have such low levels of confidence. They are great as alternative standup comics.
I knew I would get you on that one. By the way, this is Kevin Israel. I am going to steal it from you. Gas was $1.10 back in 1985. Can someone please put a lightning rod in Ronald Reagan’s ashes and see if we can reanimate him right now? Let’s talk about Hill Valley. Hill Valley is a small town in California that also has a porno theater showing orgy American style, which is the perfect title for porn that is just enough vanilla and won’t upset middle America.
Who has a small porn theater in a small town like that? That does not happen. You have to love how they set everything up, how they met, how Lorraine would do with boys, and how she is against everything as a mom, but not that way as a girl. Biff Tannen is a grownup version of Stiffler, but without getting pussy.
He was funny, but Biff Tannen is one of the top ten villains of all time. Catch me outside, David the Producer. I said before, how did Thomas Wilson not get more acting work from this role? This is an egregious misuse of talent. It was fantastic seeing photo mats in the middle of that mall parking lot. What a joy it must have been working at those while making double prints of people taking homemade nudes and making their own scrapbook on company time.
Guaranteed, you would not see assholes taking pictures of food back in 1985? That was a glorious waste of film, “It is just a chicken farm.” The remote control for the DeLorean was the same size as an iPad. Speaking up, does anyone give a crap about remote control cars anymore? I got one from RadioShack back in the day and it was slower than six-year-old Kevin chasing it.
You got a cheap one. The hobby shop is where the good ones are.
My brother got one and that thing shot out. Thanks, Donna and Greg. This film, without question, is a top ten film score of all time because you can sing the theme song in five notes or less, and everyone knows what you are talking about. This music perfectly sets the tone throughout every scene in the movie without fail. Finally, a film that frames time travel, as well as paradox, is better than this. Go ahead. I am waiting.
None of them.
Wrong. By the way, when I run to check out a sound outside that might be a potential burglar, I always bring a comic book to help me identify a potential burglar. How about you, guys? Has it happened to have a rolled-up virgin? “Paul is from outer space.” It is amazing to think they had a pit crew come out and tend to your car when you got gas in the 1950s because I feel lucky when a tenant comes out and takes a dirty water squeegee to my windshields in 2022.
George leaves the diner and beelines to scope out a woman changing. I guarantee he was the first to be in line for the Oculus to use it for porn. By the way, Marty gets hit by a car and then Lorraine’s family tends to him and lets him sleep for nine hours. That is the last thing you do when you have a concussion. Ask Bob Saget. You cannot. That is gen. You give the desserts.
How is Principal Strickland still a principal 30 years later? Shouldn’t he be counting down the days until he can sink his teeth into an undeserving pension like all teachers do? Ingenious idea to have Biff crash into a manure truck in 2 out of the 3 films. I bet the porno version of Back To The Future has Marty banging Lorraine saying, “It is the first time I am going into this vagina instead of coming out of it.”
The incestual tone is a weird direction. Maybe the writer’s mom is hot and this is his outlet. I would not decide for a lot of your moms. There you have it. Do you guys remember the Back to the Future game for Nintendo? I do. It was terrible because you got a skateboard and threw bowling balls at bad guys. That makes Rambo First Blood Part Two for Commodore 64 look like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.
It is like a movie.
Can we get a late flight out to New Orleans? I like the cute backs. We do not have to check baggage. I have an extendable police baton. The cute things that actually happened. What is a rerun? Your cousin, Marvin Barry, Ronald Reagan, the actor, smirk. By the way, Wayne from Wonder Years is his older brother. Also, if you want to go even deeper, Pee-wee’s Big Adventure is the guy’s bike. He takes it from all Pee-wee’s dresses to the nun. “I will take it right now.” I will do Pee-wee’s Big Adventure any day of the week ten times. You are not going to win. Hill Valley does not look like a town that has a porno theater, a police helicopter, or a homeless person at all.
My biggest problem with this film is when Marty goes back to the future and the Doc goes, “Doc, the letter.” I figured, “What the hell?” When might the devil care attitude come in? Please explain that to me because you cannot say, “Crap it,” after you spend 1 hour and 45 saying, “I cannot be having any contact in the future. It is going to screw up future events.” That was a perfectly logical argument to keep the space-time continuum intact. If Marty’s brother has an office job in a suit, why the hell is he still living at home?
Get out there. Get a one-bedroom apartment so you do not have to bring the interns back to your parents’ house, you cheap piece of crap. This film has been on our bulletproof list for two years and change. I thought it would never face scrutiny. Here comes David the Producer, huffing and puffing, trying to play the role of naysayer and troll us.
There is a reason this film is taught in college classes as a perfect film. It is not nostalgia because this film has zero fat. This film scored top ten of all time. Hum five notes. You know what we are talking about. You love everyone in this film and you all despise Biff Tannen. The tease for the sequel at the end, I love it. It is completely organic. I have no idea how many times I have seen this film and how many more I will see it. This film is perfect, 10 out of 10.
Are you kidding me?
I want to give you a 9.5 but I want to spite you because you did make some good points.
I am going to give you one more point. Let’s see if we can get you down half a point. Obviously, she has kids, a daughter and a son. The son is Dave. He is the oldest son.
It appears to be that way.
Why would not she call him Marty?
That is a good point.
That is who she knows. She had a son named Marty because she remembered it back in the day was a big deal.
Ingenious idea to have Biff crash into a manure truck in two out of the three Back to the Future films.
This is several years after the fact. I saw this when I was eight. If they had shown a scene where the carpet was burnt, because he said in the past, “If the kid sets fire to the carpet.”
Here is another thing that I can gain a half a point on. You are going to get bad with the whole-time travel thing. I am not going to make the argument because you are going to tell me, “Get off.” I could already hear it. I am going to pass on the argument only because I know it is a late may be worth 0.25%.
I will acquiesce, 9.75.
You are a giver.
I do not drop my score off, Kevin Israel, do I? Now it is time for my equal half. I am sure empty all barrels into your anus. Kevin Israel, the floor is yours.
Is this movie based around an awkward relationship between a high school boy and an old man? Yes. Does this movie feature prominently incest? Yes. Did this movie gloss over a violent date rape scene? Yeah. Did this movie suggest that a White man wrote Johnny B Goode? Yeah. Is the science that this whole movie is founded on questionable at best and mind-bending at worst when you sit and try to think about the paradoxes it creates and the choices our main characters make? Absolutely.
I give up. I know where you are going with this.
Here is the thing. I have said this countless times on this show, and I will say it again. For me, a movie is based off of characters. If the characters are strong, they can carry the flaws of a movie. Those are all the flaws in this movie. A lot of it is based on when it was written in the ‘80s.
Was that the dog from the DeLorean, by the way?
That was Einstein.
The characters in this movie are outstanding. Each character serves their purpose and does so without feeling like a two-dimensional character. Even Doc Brown, who should be two-dimensional, becomes this living, breathing character that you love. Marty McFly did such a great job. I am so glad when you hear why they chose not to go with Stoltz.
They said, “No, we need to find somebody else who can handle the comedy.” Michael J. Fox does a great job of being the wide-eyed, confused, yet still cool kid trapped in this preposterous situation. It is great that he is able to be the straight man to a lot of the nonsense that is happening while still feeding the audience his sense of awe in everything that is going on as he is trying to grapple with getting back to the future.
Biff Tannen, I 100% agree with Kevin Gootee, a top-five villain of all time. Hateable and detestable. There is literally nothing redeeming about that guy. The only thing that becomes redeeming about him is you find out in the later movies that he gets a clue as to the idiot he was, but it turns out he actually becomes a bigger asshole as he gets older. He is such a great hateable villain that motivates everything in this movie. It is fantastic.
Here is, for me, the real value of this movie. This movie took an over-engineered, underperforming stainless steel car and turned it into a goddamn icon. The DeLorean would have been an unrecognized footnote in-car lore were not for this movie. It turned what was a bankrupt venture into a cult classic that people are still grasping to get this car. They have never even tried to recreate the car because it is such an iconic vehicle. It is a terrible driving and performing heavy, uncomfortable car.
Poorly engineered car, but it is an iconic car. It is all because of this movie. This movie set up so much. Many movies have tried to recapture what this movie created. Here is a great point. When your movie is referenced in other movies about the same topic, many time travel movies say, “You are basing your whole theory on Back to the Future?” I am pretty sure that was from Avengers. This movie became almost like a meme within a meme because it was done so incredibly well. I love the concept of time travel. I have read countless novels about time travel. I have seen probably almost every movie about time travel. It is a fascinating concept that sometimes is handled well and sometimes not. I saw The Adam Project with Ryan Reynolds, which was about time travel.
It is not that great.
I thought it was terrible. Looper is not bad at all. I like Looper.
Looper was awesome, then it got all convoluted, but we are not trying to bubble it on top.
It is a complicated, difficult concept to deal with. I like that Back to the Future says, “These are the rules we are going to set up for ourselves, and that is all we are going to deal with.” You will literally bend over backward trying to get yourself out of the time travel hole if you overexplain it. I read a novel that got into time travel. The book was good, but they got so deep into the time-travel physics that it lost the joy of reading. It is a story about time travel because the author desperately wanted to make it make sense without the paradoxes. When you do that, you lose the story.
They were like, “This is what it is. Crap everything else.” You are absolutely right. You can go back 100 times and say, “You are good on this and that,” but the point is it sets up great characters on a pretty simple plot. It has no fat on it. The movie runs incredibly fast. There are three-thirds of the movie that you can pick out. It is all done without any nonsense. It is such a great movie. It is a movie that many other movies have tried to follow and have failed miserably, even the sequels. I like the sequels, but they still never capture the magic and the tightness of that first movie.
You guys both covered all the main points, but for me, this is all about the memorable, incredible characters. Even the little side characters that keep popping back up, like the principal and the mayor. Everyone keeps popping back up and it is a little fun. It runs well. The skateboarding scene with the manure was iconic. It is great that the few little words you can find in this movie are overshadowed by the amazing plot and the incredible characters.
My last point is that when I first met my wife and we both discovered that we loved movies, which is how we realized that we were going to be good for each other because we would watch anything together. I asked her what her favorite movie was and she said Back to the Future. I was like, “This one might be for one.” I disagree with Kevin. I do not think it is a 9.75 because it is a 10.
I had ten written down and I was going to say it because I said, “He made a few good points. I will give him credit,” but you are right.
I will say that while I do not enjoy this movie, I will acquiesce. I understand your opinions. You guys made some great valid points and enjoyed this movie. I get it. Believe me, everybody that I run into that or I have had conversations with this movie over the various years tells me to go crap myself because everyone loves it.
Add two more to the list of those people.
Yes. I found that out the hard way.
This film was brilliant and perfect. It stood the test of time. They have had a ride at Universal for this for the longest time. It was great.
Do they have a ride?
At Universal in Orlando, yes. You get the DeLorean and you go up. It is like a VR ride. You zip around.
Does it go 10 miles an hour?
No. The Simpsons took over a few years ago, but that is also a fun ride too. Let’s decide and see how much of this horse crap from the Critics’ Five-Star Reviews we can swallow. It is perfectly ‘80s with its soundtrack. It is fashion and gratuitous use of S bombs in a PG-rated film. I imagine it will be S bombs. Who says S bombs? It will be hard for anyone who enjoys fun and mirth not to have a good time watching this movie.
By far, one of the most competent time travel movies ever made, addressing even the most common loopholes and pitfalls. It is one of the most perfect films that truly deserves to sit on the pedestal it rests on. You are going down on the Titanic after crashing head-first on the iceberg. Every bit is classy, clever, and cocko warming as it was several years ago. Back to the Future is one of the best popcorn movies ever made. It is ingenuity, time travel, twists ups, and wonderfully vibrant characters that resonate in ways that few films ever achieve.
No, Indiana Jones. Sorry.
That is great too, but these are in the same boat as far as I am concerned. Kevin, do you agree?
A hundred percent.
Thank you. Critic’s One-Star Reviews. It is big, cartoonish, and empty with an interesting premise that is underdeveloped and overproduced.
I do not think it is overproduced.
That is a little macro level to understand how bad the movie is.
If you think that was macro, too clever, smug, and cute. How and where are all my questions.
I want to hear harder. That is not a good one.
It is busy being clever that it trips over its own ingenuity. This is pure nonsense and makes absolutely no sense.
I want to hear why they think that.
Those are the only three one-star reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.
It looks like I got some things to do.
A movie is based on the characters. If the characters are strong, they can carry the flaws of a movie.
Amazon Five-Star Reviews. “I see some people complaining about things like Biff assaulting Lorraine, the cursing, or a few racist comments. People are so brainwashed into political correctness these days. They do not even understand the difference between a movie and real life. Biff was assaulting Lorraine. That was terrible that it inspired a guy who would never defend himself from years of abuse to finally knock out the bully on his arse and protect the woman. This is a great example that you can show your kids and teach your boys, “This is what real men do. They protect.” Signed, Iceberg Slim. He wrote a book about being a pimp. You should not expand your horizons, Kevin Israel. The documentary on HBO. Did you get that, David? Did that go over your head too?
It is totally over my head. I lost that one.
I hate being the intellect on this show. “I love this movie. I have not watched it in decades. However, now I have young children and was totally shocked at how many inappropriate words were used. They had to have at least three dozen times we cringed or try to shout out over, so our 5- and 6-year-olds did not hear words.
Words were commonly the Sword, hell, and the unfavorable usage of a word for a child born out of wedlock. Be aware if you have kids watching. Otherwise, it is a complete classic.” Can you imagine these kids being dragged to a horror movie on opening night and the wave of emotions they go through? Kevin Israel, I cannot wait to watch your visceral reaction. I put this film in the same candid as 2001: A Space Odyssey, Blade Runner, the original Star Wars, and Brazil. That film sucks. You will turn it off. It is Terry Gilliam. 12 Monkeys is the same guy who did that.
Brazil is hard to watch.
All these films depict a futuristic world and tells a story that completely holds up years after they were produced. No, they do not. There is nothing “campy” or “cringe-worthy” about this film, even though it was produced in an era where almost all its contemporaries were both Teen Wolf, I love it, and Real Genius, I hate it.
Do you like Teen Wolf?
It is a guilty pleasure. We are going to go one-on-one on that movie.
I understand it is got warts. Never play cards with a woman who has the same name as a city, who has a tattoo of a dagger, and then never get less than nine hours of sleep, and everything else is cream cheese. I got that right pretty much, did I? I think I did.
You are close.
I am glad that Zemeckis and Gail have never vowed to allow a reboot in their lifetimes. This film stands tall on its own. This person has crappy movie tastes as far as I am concerned for Star Wars because 2001 is terrible, and Brazil I did not care for one bit.
It is like Time Bandits.
That is also bad. Next one. Having not watched this for ages now being a married guy with kids, the early scenes of Marty’s parents are more awful than I remembered. The mildly racist collared-man as mayor seems more honest and refreshing than more cleansed and sterile modern films. I must be getting old because he kept thinking, “Why do they make movies like this anymore?” Why say more? Everyone knows this film is awesome. Watch and enjoy.
It is like calling Porky’s a classic.
That film stinks. I understand it opened the door for American Pie and all the other films out there. Betamax was first, too, but it sucked. VHS made things better. Read the one-star reviews, “They are funny too. Yes, they say damn a lot. My daughter is bound to grow up into a Coke fiend now.” That is a bridge too far. Who wrote that, Tommy Lee? Heather Locklear’s dad, I think. “Obviously, this is one of the best movies ever. I bought it to watch my thirteen-year-old as it is a safe family movie. The quality was good. We hooked the laptop to the TV with an HDMI cord as my old TV is not a smart TV. We got a nice picture quality with decent sound. If you have never seen this movie, there is no point in explaining it to you. I am sure plenty of reviewers that are paid to do so.”
What is he? An engineer? He has got to tell you how we watched it?
David, you have no idea how much joy it brings me when people start bragging about their sound system set up in the Amazon One-Star Reviews. It is a whose d*** is bigger comment section where no one gives a crap. Amazon One-Star Reviews. “Full of blasphemy, incest, high jinks, and the main character cannot handle hard rejection. The dude, Marty McFly, is a wuss.” He did handle rejection and overcame it.
This is why it did not go hard in the paint on all of the woke stuff in the movie. There is racism, we know.
That is how they talk in the ‘50s, apparently.
I did not go hard on that stuff because every movie in the ‘80s had elements of that that were either sci-fi or comedy. I cannot blame them for that.
Kevin Israel, this one is for you. “It is my fault. I did not read the fine print. All the other movies we have had to rent for 48 hours to 3 days, and I came back at about 25 hours to finish watching with my boys. A disappointment is all. Make sure to look carefully. Safety tip. It would probably be okay if you have a low IQ,” signed Corky from life goes on.
No one has been a Corky reference in a while and I am glad to do it. “I watched this movie based on media obsession, that it has been 25 years since the release. After watching, I was disappointed by the shallow depiction of the human condition. Here, kids are another pseudointellectual who finds pizza, puppies, and ice cream repugnant.” Next one. “Crazy American humor,” signed Yakoff Smirnoff.
“I am not sure why everyone loves this unrealistic film. Why a kid hangs out with a doctor? Many other plot points, especially when they go back in time. Where does he get his money from?” They answered that. He inherited it. “Why not tell his mom what is happening? It is too confusing to me. I did not like it. I would not recommend.” “How many kids do you boys know that asked to turn off a movie because too much cursing is going on?” Exactly. That does not happen.
I will give you that one.
Kevin Israel, this is customary for me to ask at the end of every episode, but I am damn sure I know where the answer is going to be. Did David the Producer got the Sacred Cow? I still love him. That is what matters.
I do, too. I love him for starting us down the wrong path. I love him for all of his appearances, effort, and his support.
I love him because he has a nice red balloon to hold.
I still love him, even though he is absolutely wrong on this one. I respect the effort 100%. You have got balls that Don Jamieson has only managed to equal in our show journey so far. His first two films are going to send shivers up your butt hole. His first attempt was Die Hard.
It was a hard one to do. I love that movie.
His second film was The Matrix.
Crap that movie. I agree with him.
His third film was Leaving Las Vegas.
I actually had the opportunity to meet Keanu Reeves. He signed my Matrix DVD.
Look at you, humble bragger.
The humble brag was that my son, who was thirteen at that time, got to play video games with him while I was opening for his band, Becky, in Chicago.
Was it Dogstar his band’s name?
It was, and then it was Becky. It was one in the other. Becky was the last band he was in. My son hung out with him and did video games. I sat there and played Like a Monkey on stage. I did not get to meet him. My son did. By the way, speaking of Back to the Future, Lea was actually on Juliette’s show.
I am sure she has been busy in the last several years.
Not so much.
She is a dear, but she is a sweetheart.
I love you, guys, but crap you both.
We love you. You always have an open invite. You know that we appreciate the crap out of you for having the marriage to try and do this because this was a Sisyphean task. Like Sisyphus, you are toting that boulder back down the bottom of the mountain.
I get it.
Before you depart, why do not you tell the fine folks what you are up to, where we can find you, and all that good stuff?
Back to the Future is a movie that so many other movies have tried to follow and have failed miserably.
Look for Juliette’s podcast. I am the producer of that. You can go to TheUnwritableRant.com and find her podcast. That is where everything is at. She does celebrity interviews. She has storytelling. I am just here to have fun with you guys. That is it.
It tickles the cockles in my heart.
You do need a time machine.
To get rid of this bald spot, sure. The wear and tear is starting to show a little bit.
You are holding on good.
Thank you.
By the way, I did not get a chance to tell Kevin congratulations on the child.
Thank you.
Nice job. You conceived.
I had a kid too.
I did not see a DNA test, yet.
Believe me, if I get in the room, she will go, “That is your kid. Buddy and free money.” I am not even joking.
She will go hug Geno Bisconte.
Geno loves her. She is in the first grade going, “No.” Kevin Israel, besides your adoring son, what else are you up to?
You can check out KevinIsrael.com for all my tour dates and comedy. Please make sure to leave us a five-star rating and a quick sentence review on your podcast platform of choice. KG constantly calls out the best five-star reviews if you want to get recognized. It makes us happy. It is such a great way to tell us how you appreciate us. We will do the same in kind. We are out here working our asses off for you. Do your part. We will keep doing our part. God bless America.
It sounds like someone is voting for Trump 2024. KevinGootee.com for shenanigans. GuttingTheSacredCow.com. GuttingThesacredcow in Patreon, Patreon.com/GTSC. Five dollars gets you Kevin Israel and my thoughts every week for quotes and films that we have seen. It is a little to ask for. What the hell? It is to help keep the lights on. We hope you enjoy that part. It is slowly making its way into the lexicon. If Viagra, which I do not need, does not get me to message, this is when people say that does not happen because it is genius.
I will pat myself on the back. Thank you so much, guys. David the Producer, our love for you never waivers despite your crappy tastes in films at times. It is the first time we disagree. I should not say that. Your lovely wife, I cannot wait to have her back on as well. She also has an open invite. We love you both. Everyone else, take care. See you later.
Important Links
- Patreon.com/GTSC
- Pretty in Pink – Past Episode
- The Goonies – Past Episode
- Pirates of the Caribbean – Past Episode
- Dirty Dancing – Past Episode
- Delvin Cox – Past Episode
- Return of the Jedi – Past Episode
- Brian Volk Weiss – Past Episode
- Don Jamieson – Past Episode
- The Matrix – Past Episode
- Leaving Las Vegas – Past Episode
- TheUnwritableRant.com
- KevinIsrael.com
- KevinGootee.com
- [email protected]
