Episode 133: Blockbuster Mentality Boys Bive RABIES To Batman 1989 GTSC Podcast

Another titan just may fall on this podcast! Ben and Dave from @blockbustermentality return to attempt and obliterate every Gen-X kid’s favorite film, Batman (1989). Some argue Michael Keaton is the best Batman; some argue Jack Nicholson is the best Joker. And some will argue Ben and Dave are ass clowns for trying to attack the Tim Burton juggernaut. But your favorite plucky hosts just may have something to say about that. @KevinGootee and @KevinIsrael_NJ adjust their cape and cowl and see if this version stands up as well as Kim Basinger’s plastic surgery. 

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Blockbuster Mentality boys give RABIES to Batman 1989 GTSC podcast

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Listen to the podcast here

 

Blockbuster Mentality Boys Bive RABIES To Batman 1989 GTSC Podcast

Another childhood film is about to fall. The Blockbuster Mentality boys have returned, and they want to do Batman 1989. The reason all these superhero films are here is now in the crosshairs of those two gutters. Before we get to it, make sure you go to GuttingTheSacredCow.com. We’ve got some cool merch. Make sure you go to [email protected] to advertise, and why not visit us on the Metaverse at the $Joke Comedy Club and give us a whirl. Tell your friends about us. It certainly does help. The 5-star rating, 2 or 3-sentence review, ever misses. Without further delay, let’s see if the Blockbuster Mentality boys can go out there and take down Batman 1989.

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“Rock stars have kidnapped my son.” Kevin Israel, who named that film?

I have no idea.

Ben and Dave join us from Blockbuster Mentality. Boys, do you have any idea what that film is from?

I would say Detroit Rock City.

I like where your head is, but it’s not that.

Spinal Tap.

The answer is Almost Famous. I thought that was an easy one.

Did Frances McDormand say that?

Yeah. Detroit Rock City is a good one because I saw that too. It’s very similar to Kiss Shanghai. I watched his face. That was the last time we all saw Edward Furlong, except for his AA counselor. We are back with the Blockbuster Mentality boys, Ben and Dave. Fellows, what’s going on? How have you been?

We are terrific. Thanks so much for having us back on. We are looking forward to this chat we are going to have.

We are at one of the best shows out there.

It is now officially a fraternity party. The boys in the first selection, I love their first choice. Kevin Israel hated them for selecting Ghostbusters. This time, I think, and equally, what a kick to the balls of men our ages, Kevin Israel and ladies, and that is Batman 1989. The Gen X-ers are furious, including one Bill Schulz and his Gen X-ers. Where do we stand? You will find out. A budget at the time of $48 million, a Box Office haul of $411.6 million. You turn that into 2022 money. $111 million budget and $950.9 million hauls. Kevin Israel, thoughts?

MCU money.

This is the reason the MCU is here. If this bombed, would you think they have the balls to go out and make Blade, Meteor Man or Shazam?

We wouldn’t have had Batman Returns.

All those crap movies keep making money.

A lot of money.

X-Men and Spider-Man still would have pulled the trigger at some point. Maybe not that soon.

I hate to do it but I have to agree with KG. The studios wouldn’t have seen the investment. This was the toe in the water. Once they saw that, even crappy superhero movies were making money. They started with Blade. The Blade was a shot in the dark, no pun intended. Nobody knew who Blade was.

That was the catalyst. That’s the film before X-Men that got it all going. There was no X-Men if it wasn’t for Blade, that’s for sure. IMDb, as we all know, has a scale of 1 through 10 with decimal points. We’ve got 3 guys and 3 categories. Let’s start with Ben. What do you think Batman got on the old IMDb?

IMDb is nostalgic. I’m going to go 7.2.

Dave?

I will do the penny and say 7.3.

Kevin Israel?

It’s 8.8.

It’s 7.5.

The penny worked for you, Dave.

He one-dollared you. Let’s go to Dave. Rotten Tomatoes critic score of 1 through 100 percentage points. What did the critics give Batman?

I will say 77%.

I’m going to go to my top left. Kevin Israel?

Seventy percent flat.

Ben?

I want to say critics were a little bit more blown away by this. I’m going to go 84%.

It’s 72%. Israel, for you, is the first one. How about the audience score for Batman?

I feel like this has got to be high. I’m going to go 89%.

Ben?

This movie (Batman) is a fantastic cast doing the best they can with shitty setups, shitty scenes, and shitty script. Click To Tweet

I’m going to go 92%.

Dave?

I agree with KI but not as much as Ben so that I will say 84%.

One of you has both showcases and gets $100 out of Bob Barker’s pocket and then gets a kiss. That person who gets a smooch from that person who would slap girls in the bum with that microphone is Dave, 84% on the noes.

Give it to me, Barker.

On topic and off-topic. Did he ever die?

No, he’s still alive. I looked at this. I looked at him to see if he was alive. He’s still alive, thank God. He and Richard Dawson, the only two game show hosts now are going, “I am so glad we were not around during #MeToo.

That would have been canceled after the third show.

Quotes, I’ve chosen several off the beaten path because I know you guys are going to get the blatantly obvious ones. “Decent people shouldn’t live here. They would be happier somewhere else.” “You look fine. I didn’t ask.” “It’s Japanese.” “How do you know?” “Because I bought it in Japan.” “This town needs an enema.” It’s one of my favorites to point out when people put stuff in for me. I go, “Crap, crap, crap.” “Do you want to get nuts? Come on. Let’s get nuts.” Another one that should never ever wither away and die is, “Never rub another man’s rhubarb.” I knew that was you all over it. Kevin Israel, why don’t you take the 2nd leg of this 4-legged baton race?

The obvious one is, “Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? There’s a quote that I love that I’ve said and done to my friends, “You are my number one guy.”

That’s one of my arguments.

Any more else, Kevin, or not?

You took the rhubarb one.

Dave, what do you got?

“Never hit a guy with glasses.”

Having kids always reminds me of Wreck-It Ralph. There’s a joke in there that reminds me of Wreck-It Ralph instead of Batman.

I love Wreck-It Ralph, so go right ahead.

Mine is, “The pen is always mightier than the sword.” That’s my line. I have one other that I’ve written down. “I’m of a mind to make some mooky.”

Five fun facts. As we all know, this movie cleared the way for Michael Keaton. Do you guys want to take a guess who their number one selection was for Batman? I will give you a hint.

I used to know this. I will know once I hear it. What’s the hint?

The hint is he didn’t come on until Roydon in the ‘90s. I will give you another hint. This is more for Kevin Israel. He’s a Jersey guy.

Bruce Willis.

No, but good guess. Fellas?

I know it’s not him but I have Nicholas Cage running through my head because Tim Burton was supposed to do Superman with him. I have no clue.

It’s Ray Liotta.

This would be an easier episode if it were right here.

I picture him better as a Joker with that laugh of his.

You have to wait until I get to that part.

When they announced it was Keaton, people lost their minds. Once the movie came out, people ate their words but I bet Ray Liotta wouldn’t have gotten the backlash that Michael Keaton did.

Here’s my question. I don’t remember this. We both were twelve. What caused more backlash, Keaton being Batman or Heath Ledger being the Joker?

Maybe because it’s a more recent memory but I got to say it’s Heath Ledger being the Joker.

I lost my mind. I was like, “Who are you kidding?” He then goes in and turns the performance of eighteen lifetimes.

That’s why I never jump to a conclusion. I will have a feeling at first about casting but then I always go back to that and realize most studios do it for a reason. I always go back to that but for me, Heath Ledger is the more backlash.

What kind of an outrage machine was there in the late ‘80s?

That’s the thing. If there were social media around back then, it would have been bonkers.

 

There were a lot of letters to their local editor newspaper. I said this as a kid, and I’m going to say it as an adult. Do you know who would have been a great Batman? It’s Alec Baldwin.

Yes. He did The Shadow.

This was before The Shadow. The Shadow’s 1990. I said that before. He would have been a monster, Batman. He would have Bruce Wayne to a T. He would have been the best Bruce Wayne.

I think he is Bruce Wayne.

Bruce Wayne-wise, I would agree with that. The whole Ray Liotta thing, since this was before Goodfellas, I don’t know if it would have been as highly revered as you were saying because that hadn’t come out yet. What was he in before Goodfellas? I don’t even know.

He said no because he feared it would be as goofy as a ‘60s TV show. He was also approached to play the Joker and Harvey Dent and said no to both as well. Fun fact number two on top of a not inconsiderable upfront fee of $6 million in 1989. Nicholson took a cut of the film, the merchandising, and the sequels, despite never playing the Joker or any other role in another Batman movie again. They estimate the $50 to $60 million that he got for this film. This is 1989 money. Two and a half times to two and a half times, so let’s call that between $125 million and near $160 million to $170 million. That’s a Lakers’ floor seat until 2179.

Is he still sitting on the floor?

I’m sure he’s propped up but probably yes.

If you go by inflation, is that the highest ever?

It was spread out over multiple movies.

Also, merchandising too.

That’s even better. You just keep getting checks from that movie.

There’s nothing better than mailbox money going, “Look at this. I get $1,000 for a job I did a year and a half ago.” Number three, do you know who was originally supposed to be Vicki Vale? I will give you a hint, a decent size in the ‘80s. A little bit in the ‘90s and is nowhere to be found now except bouncing off the rubber room wall somewhere in a mental ward allegedly.

The first thing that came to mind but then you said the whole crazy thing is Heather Locklear.

My d*** wouldn’t be the same. Between Kim Basinger, it still wasn’t. Any other guesses?

What happened to it?

Have you got to guess, Dave?

It’s Peyronie’s disease. I’m just kidding.

Which one is that? It’s good that we know this stuff.

You never know what will come up.

It’s not a bad guest, but no. Kevin Israel?

I got nothing.

It was Sean Young. She did get it but she was practicing horse riding for a scene in the movie, which when a fall left her with a broken collarbone ruling her out of shooting the movie, and there were those scenes of Vicki Vale on a horse.

She’s Ace Ventura, right?

Exactly and Kevin Costner.

She’s in Stripes.

Was it Kevin Costner in No Way Out or Revenge? It’s 1 of those 2.

Yes. No Way Out.

That’s it.

Was it Wall Street?

Kim Basinger was the better choice.

At one point, the Joker was going to kill a Knox with Smylex gas and kill Vicki Vale toward the end, leaving Batman desperate for justice but they did not.

I feel like that would have been a little too dark for that point.

More than 50,000 letters of protest were sent to Warner Bros offices demanding that the choice be considered for Batman. Three more people besides Liotta were considered for this. One name is huge in the ‘80s and ‘90s. One name ‘80s, ‘90s, 2000s is still pretty big, and one name is pretty much ‘80s for Batman.

Tom Cruise?

No, but that would have been fun.

This (Batman) was a movie made for kids in 1989. This is not a movie for adults in 2022. Click To Tweet

It’s because you said still big now.

I would’ve said megastar still now. Tom Cruise has to fight the Joker while standing on three apple boxes. I just want to point that out.

It was Stallone or Schwarzenegger.

I was going to say Stallone but I couldn’t even swallow saying it.

The Crocodile Dundee guy.

Paul Hogan. That is not Smylex. This is Smylex. Kevin Costner or Dennis Quaid.

I can see that too.

Also, Charlie Sheen.

I wish they made that movie.

Charlie Sheen would have been huffing Smylex gas the entire time. Do you want to take a guess at the two actors who are in contention for the Joker? One name is pretty big in the ‘80s and ‘90s. One name was big until he died.

Did he just die?

Pretty recently. One is a slam dunk. I’m holding the answer but I think one, if you thought about it, you could go, “Yep,” and you would never have guessed the other one.

Dennis Hopper.

That’s a good guess.

Wouldn’t that be the f***ing tits? Nobody knows. The obvious one I thought was Robin Williams.

That would have been so great.

He wanted to be something like the Riddler. He wanted to be some villain before he passed.

I don’t see it. I’m not buying it.

The next one is James Woods.

Thank you for not doing that, Warner Bros.

He is a good actor. He’s more like sarcasm than theatrics.

It’s time for those lovely audience members. We love, cherish, and treasure you guys to Ask A Gutter. Boys, we have questions from the crowd. At Lord Snerts, “For Batman ’89, what kind of tactical genius relies on getting shot to gain an advantage for a fight?”

I saw that question because included in the tweet. I’m trying to think how was it an advantage? Is he talking about the beginning?

He generally plays possum.

I was exactly going to say play possum. That was exactly the phrase I was going to use.

How does someone hide a metal plate in their coat?

Ask Clint Eastwood in Back to the Future.

That is what he calls himself in For a Few Dollars More or which one was it that he did that.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

At Ziphos, my question is, “Where does he get those wonderful toys?”

Which one? Is it Batman?

Yes, Batman.

It’s never explored. He gets them from Lucius Fox.

At Ziphos, as a follow-up goes, “It’s a legit question because somebody should put that together because they are making things for Batman. There’s no way he and Alfred are responsible for everything.”

There’s no indication that they just appear, all of them.

Even Joker’s toys, there’s no indication of it, and I think an off-screen Lucius Fox is the only answer.

 

The twelve-year-old Kevin never thought or cared where he got his toys from.

We will probably be going to get to it but I also think about the toys. It’s funny how every gadget or toy is basically a rock, paper or scissor. I come up with this ridiculous thing to shoot at you, and you just happened to push something, and that’s the defense. Would you ever use that? You wouldn’t think like, “I need this push thing out of my hand or scissors for my bat vehicle.”

If you go back to the Adam West Batman’s shark spray, bat-shark repellant.

Confounded, the batteries were dead. At Almighty Ray Stakenas, “I watched Batman ‘89 and felt real cringy about it. Good choice.” SCST podcast, “The affirmation guys are doing a fun f***ingtastic job at their artwork. If not Jack Nicholson, who plays the Joker and don’t say, Jim Carrey?”

Who would play him? I’m going Dennis Hopper again. In that timeframe, I will go Dennis Hopper all the way. Have you got anyone, Dave?

I don’t know. Casting is so tough because, as you say, like Keaton or Ledger, you don’t know. There are a lot of times I see stuff and I’m like, “Let me see it. It’s okay.” Sometimes it’s the opposite. Does it have to be someone who’s crazy? Not necessarily. We didn’t think of Ledger as being a maniac on screen but we did it. That’s what makes these questions so difficult.

This is a long-winded way for Dave to say Jim J Bullock is a selection. It’s a timely reference. At Newark Knight, “For Batman, where does Keaton rank in your Best of the Batman Live Action?” He also wants to know where does Pattinson rank.

That’s tough before we get into the movie. I don’t want to give anything away but I loved the new Batman Pattinson and Christian Bale. I love Ben Affleck as Batman, all three of those.

You forgot Adam West.

I don’t count him but if I had to count on him, he will be dead last. I would probably go Bale, Pattinson, Ben Affleck, and Keaton.

I probably go Affleck, Bale, Pattinson, Keaton, and Kilmer.

We forgot about him.

Also, Clooney and then Adam West.

Clooney was robbed with a terrible movie.

Thank you. I will defend him to death. Clooney was a great bet. That film was so dogged crap. He gets dragged down with an anchor around his neck. That film stunk. He was a good Batman.

Kilmer wasn’t bad either.

He wasn’t good either.

The movie wasn’t good. Are you going off the movie?

I’m putting him dead last in my rankings. I think he sucked. I know he’s terrible.

For me, he fit. His stardom at that point in time?

The saint got your penis hard. Is that what you are saying?

It’s still hard.

It wasn’t that far off the Top Gun, was it?

That was fucking nine years later. Yes, it was, ‘86 to ‘95.

We got old man Nicholson fourteen years off of The Cuckoo’s Nest.

At Lord Snerts is back again, “Batman ‘89 was my introduction to Prince. A decade or two later, it led to awkward moments with True Fans.

In what way?

I don’t know either. I just read them.

I had Prince in my notes. The whole Prince stuff is super cheesy. He did fit the Batman movie. Are you guys Prince fans?

Not really. I respect the crap out of him.

There are a couple of songs of his that I really like.

You will ask certain people, and they will swear he’s the greatest genius musician ever. Maybe I haven’t heard enough of it but I don’t get it.

I’m looking at my iTunes. I have one Prince song. What does that tell you?

So do I. What’s your one?

Let’s Go Crazy of the Purple Rain soundtrack. That’s it.

What is yours, Kevin?

If you want to watch a 90s Batman movie, go watch the Pattinson Batman because that’s a better 90s Batman film. Click To Tweet

It’s seven.

Is it from The New Power Generation CD?

Yeah.

I got that from BMG for a penny. Twelve for a penny, if you remember those days. At Pedestrian, “I guess my biggest question is, why isn’t Junior Birdman a franchise yet?” It was the Birdman movie that Keaton did.

I think Dave might have called this overrated, but I love that movie.

We did this on this show, Birdman.

Did you guys defend it or were you agreeing?

I liked it. I was going to die on the hill in its defense but it also wasn’t going to sink a ship.

What is the question exactly?

I think it was more of a Make-A-Wish.

We are not disrespecting your audience here. We are just curious.

At Pedestrian, you better have better questions next time you read the Blockbuster Mentality boys on again. He’s obviously joking. He wants to know like, “Why has it been a Birdman man movie yet?”

Where’s the sequel? He’s coming back as Batman in the Flash movie, so come back again.

It’s like a bat, a bird, and a vulture.

He’s still flying at the end of Birdman.

Don’t get started.

Kevin is right. It is time to get started by letting the Blockbuster Mentality boys gut the sacred cow.

You guys are good at that.

Where do you want to start, Dave?

Before we even get to the movie, let’s start with maybe Tim Burton, who’s probably the most overrated actor certainly of the time that he was in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. I can’t tell you how many times I go, “From the spooky mind of Tim Burton.” It’s like, “Give me a break with this guy already.” Most people are there now. I remember this time. We were certainly young but I remember that whole thing like the Tim Burton craze and his stupid hair. In general, he’s completely overrated. We did say that this movie did well at the Box Office but it does not make this a great movie.

First off, the first hit is on Tim Burton. His edgy style like, “I can tilt the camera 45 degrees. Isn’t that spooky guys,” didn’t work for me. You can feel it. The last thing is that this isn’t very much a movie of its time. It simply does not hold up. I could see people liking it back in the day but I don’t rewatch it. There are a lot of cringes here.

This is him coming off of Pee-wee’s Big Adventure in ‘85, I believe, and then Beetlejuice in ’88, which also started Michael Keaton. It’s two very different movies together and two very different movies to Batman. For them, to green light, Tim Burton on a superhero comic book film is baffling to me. I 100% agree. He is overrated. Yes, I loved Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.

Me, too.

I’m still a moron child, and I love it but it had more to do with Pee-wee, the character, than Tim Burton himself.

I wanted to go over to Pee-wee’s playhouse.

Who didn’t?

I was going to make a pedophile joke. He’s not a pedophile but my mind went there. I’m weird. Tim Burton is overrated. I 100% agree with you there, Dave. It made money, so obviously, it did something right but that had to do with, “We have a Batman movie outside of Adam West that’s supposed to be dark like the crazy and spooky mind of Tim Burton.” What do we get out of this film, Dave?

We get this weird mashup of absurd and dark at the same time that never quite really gels because it’s depicted within this dark, spooky Tim Burton world but everything that happens inside of it is really stupid for the most part. The characters that inhabit it behave strangely. In fact, I will say this. The script does not make a whole lot of sense. I don’t want to do this as a nitpick but if this was a nitpick, Ben, we could probably spend like two hours on this show walking through all the conversations that the characters have and the decisions they make.

A lot of it doesn’t follow any clear logic. I don’t want to get into the nitpicking thing but the whole theme is disjointed. We are talking about the gags. They are dumb and silly. I don’t know if there’s really a good action scene in this, other than some stuff like the flying and maybe the driving. That’s okay but the fights are terrible. The Henchmen cast the ugliest bunch of losers and stuck to them in these like cop outfits.

I don’t get it.

We are going to be saving the worst Henchman for later. You might guess who it might be. In general, the tone of this movie that’s what it is. It’s absurd to an absurd level. This doesn’t operate in it. I don’t think it works in a comic book world. This world has no reality where I’m like, “This could work.”

Speaking of the action, what do you think about the slow floating of him?

For me, it’s like, “What is it?” We know he’s supposed to be bat-like and everything like that but this slow floating makes him seem like a ghost or something.

It’s because they didn’t know what to do yet. This is a beta test Batman movie. It is not a complete Batman movie. We had to wait until we got Christopher Nolan before we got a real Batman film. Something that worked in a plausible real world. They made a lot of money but it wasn’t ready to be a real Batman movie.

Now, the Joker, that’s the huge talking point of this movie. Nicholson’s Joker and everyone still compare and fight over Heath Ledger and Jack Nicholson’s Joker. To me, I don’t see what the hype is all about with Jack Nicholson the Joker. I love him as an actor but after watching this again, even before the show, I don’t get it. It’s too cartoonish, especially for the dark noir vibe they are going. They put this cartoonish character in cartoonish bits all around, not even him as a character. I know you were saying before the show the way he came about, his origin story. He didn’t seem like he was totally off the handle. He wanted to take over his boss.

 

No, it was a function of the script. We need to get the Joker, so we will have this thing happen where he falls into a chemical or something. Now, he Joker.

You just happen to have the features of a clown.

That’s how it works. It has a smile that’s acid or chemicals. That’s what they give you but it’s just a plot device to get us from point A to point B. It’s like, “He’s the Joker now.”

Would you think this movie will be better if they showed us the Joker instead of the Jack Napier side story?

Yeah. The whole thing about the Joker people have always said about the comics is he doesn’t have a true origin story, and we don’t know where he’s from. I’m not the one who’s, “It’s got to be accurate to the comics. It’s got to be accurate to this.” I just want a good movie. This movie would have served itself better if he was more mysterious like, “Who is this guy jumping in?” What is his deal? What is his motivation?” Whereas him, he falls into a bath of acid, and now he laughs a lot.

It is the dumbest thing. There’s no world where you fall into a bath of anything. You die. That’s it.

Is he getting drained into the swamp, and then his hand sticks out. I don’t know what they were going for.

Was that whoever Frankenstein is, it’s alive, wink and nod. That’s what I got out of that.

That’s true. Yeah. “It’s alive.”

It’s alive and laughing. To this movie, it’s a fantastic cast doing the best they can with crappy setups, scenes, and scripts. Tim Burton’s visuals are not what makes them overrated always. It’s that he goes too far, and if scripts aren’t tight enough, then the movie is done. That was the battle going on in this movie. You have great actors. Nicholson is acting his ass off. He’s giving you the very best performance he can possibly give. I feel embarrassed for him at times.

What we heard was his payday, so you can understand like, “Go all for it,” but I didn’t buy it. What was the line KI that, “You are my number one.” That was so overacting and over the top for me at that point.

In fairness, the character was supposed to be mimicking Jack Palance. He was doing an homage to that guy because he hated when he did that to him.

There goes our argument, Israel. We are over.

We did not gut it.

Something else is that Vicki Vale is a non-entities for most of this film. In the beginning, they prop her up as this courageous and strong woman. She goes into the battle zones to take these daring pictures. She’s here to uncover a mystery, and she meets Bruce. He falls in love with him one day and then becomes a pawn in the rest of the movie without agency or character in development.

We are chatting on this. The way they get together it’s all weird. Is Bruce reckless that no one knows who he is? He’s a very famous billionaire. He’s holding a benefit at his house. It would seem odd that they wouldn’t know who this pretty famous celebrity guy is. They don’t even know what he looks like. You are in his house. If you are a reporter, you should have an idea.

Neither reporter knew. Was it Knox? Is that the same?

Yeah. He is from Robert Wuhl’s character, and he didn’t even need to be in the movie.

You are right. Vicki Vale is kind of a nothing character. It’s like, “I got to put a love interest in there.” She came like from a Cosmo magazine or something.

Also, time. She’s shooting out like a bottle war field. It’s for all model shots and then bangs. Let’s drop her in the middle of a war. There are no runways, pirouettes or costume changes. It’s AK-47s and mortar fire.

“Could you move your elbow a little more to the left?”

“It smells like gangrene in here. It’s so gross. Can I get a spritz?

We don’t get much out of Commissioner Gordon and Harvey Dent.

There is no relationship there.

I like Billy Dee Williams, the three lines that he said.

That was great. They kept talking about the 200-year anniversary of Gotham.

“We got to get this celebration. It’s going to happen even if it bankrupts the city.”

The Joker, to me, is overrated. We haven’t talked about Michael Keaton much. What are our thoughts there, Dave?

It was the first one, and you never know. Each movie does every character differently, so maybe they are staying away from this first one, but I did like the idea. He plays a very human Bruce Wayne, which was cool. He does keep to himself. It’s effective, and he does have this pain of losing his parents. He’s not a bad guy. He’s very busy at night doing things. He lives a lonely and slightly sad existence. I did like that he’s not brooding as we see with Pattinson, although he’s a bit younger. We don’t know. Maybe not that much younger, though. How old is Batman in this movie?

I had this conversation with my daughter in the car, who is six. I let her watch this Batman. I let her watch the first 20 to 30 minutes of The Dark Knight, and she goes, “Never done.” She’s also watched the animated Mask of the Phantasm. I took her to see Spider-Man: No Way Home. I’m putting her toe in. I’m not letting her watch the Nolan crap. That’s later. She asked this question and I said, “Pattinson is in his early to mid-30s. Keaton is in his late, the late 30s or early-40s. Clooney is in his early to mid-40s, and Val Kilmer, I stopped giving a crap about. Those are your answers. Bale is also 37 to 42.

I get the impression that Pattinson was maybe 30.

I felt like Pattinson was in his late 20s to 30s, and Affleck was in his mid-40s to 50s.

He beats ass in that movie like Arkham Asylum in PlayStation 4. If he’s 45, that’s amazing. He used a yoke the f*** out of some crystal meth.

That’s why he’s my favorite Batman. He does a good Bruce Wayne as well.

One nitpick I have when towards the beginning, right before he falls in the acid or it’s right after he falls in the acid or chemicals, whatever you want to call it. Batman does the whole smoke thing to disappear, and it’s clear as day where he is going. I’m like, “What was the smoke for?”

He looks around, and I love the suit because he can’t move his neck.

“We see you crawling away, Batman.” “No, you don’t.” An aim in the grappling hook-up is a dead giveaway. There’s no noise of smoke pellet on that. When you leave the Joker in the museum, I’m with you because you get to do action.

The real weakness in this (Batman) movie is the romance. Click To Tweet

Speaking of that, the whole museum and the parade. The cheesy ‘80s Prince music with him dancing through the museum. It’s so cheesy to me, unnecessary.

They are all dancing. In Burton’s mind, we need a scene, and this will be good. We need Nicholson to do some singing and a choreographed dance routine with the other Henchmen. This really will capitalize on my dark spooky theme. Adults will love them as guys, so, “Let’s do that. If they are going to dance, they have to dance to something.” “We will have a guy bringing a Boombox, and we will push play. That will be our way of getting the music in.” The Boombox guy almost kills the movie, basically. This entire scene is so bad. My skin crawls, and I become embarrassed about what I’m watching. I feel uncomfortable that I have to turn the TV off because it’s freaking bad.

You have Jack Nicholson and Chinatown, Cuckoo’s Nest, Five Easy Pieces, and Easy Rider.

This is what they are talking about. You have to go, and you have to do this scene. This is Chinatown.

One thing I do want to bring up is that I know we all grew up on this film, and it might be our favorite film. There are movies that I love that are my favorite that I know are bad movies. You grow up on a film does not equal a good movie. Also, from the comic’s perspective, I’m not a comics expert or anything, so I don’t know if this one is faithful. I don’t think it is because Joker has an origin story but something being faithful to the comics does not equal a good movie. Something that is not faithful to the comics doesn’t equal a bad movie. I wanted to bring that out to bring that up too.

We have to let go of our nostalgia sometimes and look at it dispassionately. This movie was made for the ten-year-old you. This movie is not for the 30 to 40-year-old you. This was a movie for kids in 1989. This is not a movie for adults in 2022. I’m sorry to say.

Someone just told everyone in this podcast that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Israel is shaking his head. He’s like playing Street Fighter II. There are stars around his head. You could finish him off with a four-kick combo. He’s dazed over there.

Also, the worst Alfred, by a mile, right?

In fairness, this Alfred is harking back to the TV show Alfred, it was only later and in the comics, and then I adopted in the movies where Alfred became was once a mercenary and a badass. He was helping Bruce Wayne’s Dark Knight vigilante.

Is that more recent that Alfred was like that?

When you are writing something for so long, there were suddenly like, “The fans like Alfred. We should probably do something with it.”

It’s having to do something other than serving tea and get water for people and literally be the butler for the benefit dinner.

They did. They gave him cancer, Batman, and Robin. He miraculously worked his way out of it, if you are a member of that plot point.

Yes, thanks to Mr. Freeze, the antidote.

I don’t know if it was cancer or if he was dying from embarrassment. Alicia Silverstone couldn’t fit in her Bat Girl costume because she’s a bit hefty.

That’s interesting because now we are at the point where you get Andy Serkis, where Alfred’s like an ex-con.

Alfred was in Peaky Blinders. Did you miss that?

Whose favorite Alfred goes around the room in the movies?

I got to go, Michael Caine. He wasn’t a teacher. The best relationship between Bruce Wayne and Alfred was between Michael Kane and Christian Bale.

He was a good combination of the two. He felt like he might have been a Butler but he also told some stories and it was like, “This guy has a backstory. This guy has seen some crap.

I’m going to get crap for this. I like the ‘60s butler because he was so rigid and the perfect straight man to such campy horsecrap. He was in on the joke and went, “Right away, sir. The Bat phone.” He was selling the crap out of that nonsense, and I admire him for that.

I liked Jeremy Irons.

I forgot about him. Jesus Christ, Affleck.

He seems like he’s doing things all the time and working on stuff. He does serve tea a couple of times.

He was a little further into the, “I’m a badass,” and farther away from, “I’m a butler. I’m a badass who happens to do some butler stuff.”

“I will kill people but then I will dust your blinds.”

“I know how to press a suit.”

I never watched the Gotham show but I guess that Alfred was teaching Bruce Wayne how to fight and stuff.

We are only one more film iteration away where Alfred is played by Vinnie Jones, and they both go out and curb stomp people.

I would be okay with it if it showed him Alfred’s headshot.

I would, too. You would need subtitles because that is impossible to understand but I would appreciate it.

“Batman, what are you going to do?”

Those are our main points. Dave, did we have more?

No. That’s pretty much it. We’ve laid out the main points. We mentioned Napier being the one who killed Bruce Wayne’s parents. I don’t know if I mentioned that but that one felt totally unnecessary. They were already enemies, and we didn’t add on more stuff.

It didn’t even give him more motivation in the movie. He said, “I’m going to kill you.”

I understand but you don’t have to cram everything into one movie.

 

To be fair, this was before the beginning of the superhero boons. They go, “We may not have another shot, so we better get all our crap now. If it’s MCU, it’s like, “We can take eighteen films to get this story out, so let’s get it right.

Also, the whole thing with them not knowing Bruce Wayne. The audience who might not have grown up with the Adam West thing back in ‘89 needs to know who Bruce Wayne is. They need to know that his parents died at this place. You got to establish all that. That stuff I get.

Plot-wise, it was not unnecessary, and I felt like this movie isn’t very long but in a lot of spaces, it feels like it drags. Even at the climax of the movie, where they are up in the Belfry, I’m like, “Let go.” You got to get through a couple of stupid henchmen and one guy who finally beats up that man but I don’t understand how he threw Batman down the thing. Batman appears with his legs back up over the Belfry and then flings him down.

I’m still not sure how he got up. I felt like there were just moments that were a bit too slow. I don’t know if it was that gloomy tone or something but those are the parts that I felt like a drag on. This movie is very much of its time. The late ‘80s are getting into the ‘90s. If you want to watch a ‘90s Batman movie, watch the Pattinson Batman because that’s a better ‘90s Batman film.

Give us a number from 1 to 10.

Rating 1 to 10. IMDb is 7.5.

I like it sucks, but it’s way overrated and not as good as people remember and revere it to this day.

I would say 5.5.

I will give it a six.

You don’t have to hate it. It’s overrated. Now, our resident comic book expert, I bow to my co-host Kevin Israel.

I didn’t know you were, so I’m glad one of us did.

I was a comic book guy in my youth, and I wasn’t a huge Batman guy.

What was your comic?

Wolverine. I was on the Wolverine train back in the “80s but one of my buddies was a big Batman fan. Right when this movie came out, I remember them talking about Batman. This was what happened to everybody that witnessed the marketing strategy behind this movie because everyone was like, “I like Burt Ward this TV show is ridiculous,” or whatever his name was. We saw that or you saw the cartoons at him with like Scooby-Doo. Batman, if you didn’t read the comic books, you have three sources of Batman.

You forgot the Justice League cartoon too.

Scooby-Doos and the Batman TV show from the ‘70s. Batman was always a campy humorous character. When they started the advertising campaign for this movie, it was dark, and it looked great. Those are two words that we are bombarded with now. Everybody was like, “What the hell is this? This is not Batman,” but all the kids who read comic books were like, “That is Batman. That’s the Batman we know when we have been reading about for years.”

When the movie came out, it changed the way people saw Batman. It’s funny because when I was watching it, I was like, “There were so many people that, for the first time, found out how the Batman’s parents were killed.” Now it’s almost a meme. Batman’s parents being killed is a punchline. It’s like, “We know. His parents are Uncle Ben. He dies.” Let’s get past that. In ’89, we went and saw that and were like, “His parents killed.” It was deep.

The only other superhero that most people knew was Superman, who came from space and was the perfect guy. This guy wears a black suit and pays better because his parents were killed. It’s a whole different kind of mindset. To that point, this movie acted. You made a good point, Dave, in saying that this was a test case but it was almost like an alpha subject for superhero movies.

More than that, this was the transition from the Burt Ward TV shows to the Batman movies we ended up getting later on. You could have gone from Burt Ward to Christopher Nolan. People’s minds would have melted. People needed to get an idea that Batman isn’t just this guy going down a bat pole and the bat signal spinning around and pow and bam.

That is what this movie did. I almost think that the tone was right that it feels cartoony at times but it has a bit of realism to it. The feeling works in this anachronistic time. Is it the ‘80s or the ‘40s? When is this taking place? At one point, Knox is wearing those things around his sleeves that guys wore in the ‘30s. I was like, “Where is this taking place? Can we have a date in a newspaper or something?”

It had to say, “Press,” on the side too like, “Fozzie Bear,” back in The Muppet Show.

I feel like I was seeing the classic noir. They were going for that.

It got there but here’s the thing about the movie. It’s dragging. In the beginning, I was like, “This movie is really tight. It doesn’t.” Fifteen minutes in, I was like, “This is getting tough.” It started so good and fooled me because I was like, “I forgot that it starts with Bruce Wayne’s parents being killed because I thought that was the scene.” It wasn’t, and it’s a play on your memory. That whole scene was great.

Other than he swoops down and like, “What the fuck are you doing?” That doesn’t even make sense in any strategic sense of the word but the movie starts to drag. Part of the reason it drags so badly is that this is ostensibly supposed to be an action movie. The action in this movie is terrible. The fight scenes are horrible because Michael Keaton is wearing a 90-pound rubber suit that’s almost impossible to move in. He can’t turn his neck. He can’t fully punch.

The fight scenes are like him shoving someone in the chest, and the guy flies away. Once in a while, he gets a kick. There are 1 or 2 fights where it’s like, “He takes them. He’s open.” Watching Batman fight is tough. I would love but I’m sure somebody did this on YouTube to do a side-by-side of one of the better fights in this movie compared to Ben Affleck’s fight in the warehouse in Batman versus Superman because that was the only good scene in the movie.

That scene is f***ing bananas. It’s such a great fight scene and to see how far it came, and they weren’t even doing fight scenes like that back then in any action movies. There’s so little action in it, and again, it might be just because it was from the ‘89 but everything feels like it wouldn’t work now. This Batmobiles is one of the coolest-looking Batmobiles. It’s the archetype Batmobile but watching it ride along the road, I was like, “That thing wouldn’t work. Why would you wake a car like that?” It’s long and heavy. It couldn’t turn. It looks ridiculous. If there happens to be a light pole in the right spot, you can maybe corner.

I bet Batman could drift, so let’s not sign the show.

I hope so because that’s all that thing could do is slide to the right.

That’s also why in the patents in Batman, it was such a great Batmobile because it’s a muscle car. It’s a souped-up muscle car, and it makes sense as a car that you could actually partake in pursuit or something like that. The performances in this, Nicholson is amazing as this Joker as the Joker that he was supposed to be is amazing. Michael Keaton is great as Bruce Wayne. He’s great that you feel that he’s this reluctant hero who almost wants to have a normal life but can’t and resigned himself to be this superhero.

The real weakness in this movie, and this takes me back to our discussion about American Pie, is the romance in this. I don’t give a crap about Batman and Vicki Vale. I don’t give a crap about her. I don’t care about her. They didn’t have any chemistry. They didn’t make me care about what she was doing. It was like, “Batman meets woman.” It’s so bad that every time they have a scene together, I don’t care. I don’t care that they slept together, and he hangs upside down because he’s a bat. The only time he’s on the screen, it was entertaining in the museum.

As ridiculous as that scene is, at least it was like, “She’s in danger. He comes rescues.” It comes full circle. That storyline, the 2 of them, eats up probably 35 minutes of this movie, 40 minutes. This movie could have been 1 hour and 20 minutes if you got rid of that horsecrap storyline that we didn’t need. I feel like they were, “We are going to make a Batman movie but there needs to be some romance in it because the dames aren’t going to like Batman. We need something for the ladies. They like the smooching, so make that happen.”

I got to know, are we going to try to love each other?

This movie, for me, is like a Model T. You see a Model T driving down the road and you are like, “That was an accomplishment. That’s amazing that they made that.” You would look at the car you are in, and it evolved into this. That’s fantastic. Would I want to drive a Model? No. Would I want to own one? Probably not. That’s how I feel about this movie. It was an amazing accomplishment.

It has a huge historic value. It will always mean something to me but I will probably never want to watch this movie. That hurts to say. There’s no rewatch ability in this movie. Maybe the beginning scene but there’s not a lot there beyond the nostalgia and the significance of the movie for what it did decades down the road to where we are with superhero movies now.

I have to say Kev and I have been debating whether or not to save this. Batman Returns is better than this. Batman Returns, the action is a little better. It’s more entertaining, and it felt a little faster pace. The romance in it makes sense. There was some chemistry between him and Michelle Pfeiffer. It worked a little better. It’s a ridiculous movie but this movie is ridiculous and slow. Batman Returns, while disappointing, was possibly better than this movie.

The way they pick up the action is they have Nicholson do a dance scene in the museum.

Episode 133: Blockbuster Mentality Boys Bive RABIES To Batman 1989 GTSC Podcast Click To Tweet

The quotes in the original Batman have stood the test of time more than the actual movie has. The quotes are better.

The writing is all over the place. I don’t know if you are Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings fans but you will hear a line of dialogue that you know comes straight from the page. That’s almost like what this felt where they were borrowing from Burton or whoever was writing. There were maybe twenty great lines of dialogue, and then the rest didn’t know how to put it together.

I totally agree with Ben. It’s a 5.5, and I would say a good 1.5 of that is just nostalgia and the value of the movie.

We are almost friends now because we throw the Ghostbusters.

You are still jerks because of Ghostbusters.

I love you guys for doing Ghostbusters. I’m so inside with you on that. I liked it. They even admitted that they liked it. Behind the curtain, “Here’s how the sausage is made.”

In our case, how the fudge is packed? Waka-waka.

Kevin, I want you to tell these fine folks at Blockbuster Mentality how awesome Athletic Greens is and why?

Athletic Greens is fantastic. It’s a full nutrition drink. It kicks off in the morning. It’s got all your essential vitamins and minerals, and unlike most drinks like this, it’s not chalky. It’s not disgusting. It’s smooth. It’s a great way to kick off your day with a cold glass of water. As soon as I wake up, I down it. It’s a great substitute for my morning cup of coffee. I feel energized and ready to go.

Believe it or not, I don’t know what it tastes like. It’s cream.

It’s hard to describe.

It’s so good that I don’t even know.

It’s not artificially flavored. It’s not sweetened. It doesn’t taste like strawberry, banana or chocolate. It has its own distinct taste.

It tastes healthy. It’s not like a glass of Coke. You are not like, “Let me have nine of these,” but it’s good for what it is. As soon as you are drinking, you are not disgusted. You are like, “I drank something healthy.”

It supports mental clarity and alertness. It costs you less than $3 a day. It’s cheaper than coffee.

It’s a good deal.

You are right. It is. You are investing in all-in-one nutritional insurance. It has over 7,000 five-star reviews, and they are a very charitable organization. They gave over 1.2 million meals to kids in 2020. It’s a small micro habit with big habits. It’s vegan. It’s paleo. It’s keto, dairy-free, gluten-free, and all that stuff. No GMOs or nasty chemicals. As Kevin Israel says, you pour it in your water and mix it up. It’s delicious, and it helps your body. It’s all-in-one in one mixture.

What if I was interested in getting this nutritional insurance? How can I do it?

He’s teeing up a 2/0 fastball. “Here it comes, baby.” You go to AthleticGreens.com/gtsc for Gutting the Sacred Cow, and you get a year’s supply, Dave, of vitamin D packets and five free travel packs. You get all that free stuff. Scoop in one cup of water every day, and you are investing in yourself.

Is it okay that I drank beer during that ad read?

I had whiskey during my ad read, so sure.

Can you put your Athletic Greens in your beer or your whiskey to maybe counteract?

You can mainline it. I don’t give a crap as long as you go to AthleticGreens.com/gtsc. Boof it for all we care. It’s not that we advise you to do that. The trailers for this film were f***ing amazing. You thought you were hyped up for Christmas. Twelve-year-old Kevin Gootee saw this and was immediately counting the days down, not to Christmas but June 23rd. Ironically, my sister Jill’s birthday, and did I push my parents to go see Batman on opening day, and I couldn’t because it was my sister’s birthday.

I work in New York City, and I have never ever seen someone push someone out of the way to take a cab. That doesn’t happen. We are ass**** in this town but no one does that. I’m sorry. Not at least without a gun in your face. Hookers are not known for morals but hitting on a thirteen-year-old boy with his parents in tow is pretty reprehensible in my book.

Do you know what’s funny now? When I watch these movies now, I’m like, “Kevin was going to point that out.” She was like, “Hey, baby.” I was like, “Gootee definitely wrote that down.”

At least make the b****job motion to the dad and the p****-looking motion to the mom but leave the thirteen-year-old boy out of this.

The kid was a jerk, though. He’s like, “Dad, do you even know where you are going?” He is like, “This is seventh. I know where I am.

The dad didn’t know where he was going. The boy knew where he was going. The dad’s clearly trying to be like, “I’m the leader of this family. You are going the wrong way. The kid has a map.”

I was accidentally leading them into the red-light district.

We need to go right past Crack Rock Boulevard, and Koos Juice Lane is three doors down from there. I said it before, and we’ve done how many Batman films in this episode, Kevin Israel? Batman Returns, all three of Nolan’s, Batman and Superman. This is our sixth Batman film. This is probably it then, right?

Yeah. If no one else is going to qualify.

Do you have a question, Dave?

The Dark Knight, how did that go?

You need to read that because I don’t want to ruin the surprise that happened. I’m not trying to hype it up for marketing or promoting reasons. You have to read that.

Who was the guest?

I forgot his name. He is a nice guy.

 

I will check that one up.

Read it, especially to the score. I said it before, with six episodes of Batman films in this fine show, no one has learned to shoot Batman in the face yet. We haven’t learned that lesson. We are aiming for the chest and everywhere else but the face. I like Keaton’s subtle Batman voice. It is much better than Braille’s hockey pants violin slide.

Why have Harvey Dent in this if we are not even teasing Two-Face? This was, “If we go out for another date and have dinner, maybe you will get a b***job.” Don’t do this to me. Give me something with Two-Face. Don’t have f***ing Harvey Two-Face go, “We are going to take down crime.” Billy Dee Williams came and dropped the, “It works every time,” line in there for Colt 45. No. We can’t even get this opportunity, Tim Burton.

Was he in Returns?

No.

There’s my Facebook friend, Robert Wuhl. I am Facebook friends with Robert Wuhl. He is a fantastic person to talk about baseball with. I advise you to friend Robert Wuhl, especially when you talk about Arliss. He loves that.

What’s crazy is that Billy Dee Williams works in this movie for the small bit he was in it. I have seen them doing something with that character.

I’m pretty sure they planned on it. They expected him to be there.

It didn’t make the five fun facts. They had them lined up for two, and then it fell. I have it in here later on. If anything, Batman reminds us that even wearing cartoonishly large eyeglasses, Kim Basinger was a f***ing smoke show in the “80s. What a showstopper. I always laugh when Knox gives Alfred the Butler a buck for the champagne at the party. He’s like lower-middle-class like, “That’s cute.”

I wonder if Kim Basinger would have been cast if Alec Baldwin had been cast. Were they married then?

I believe they were or are about to be. They got married because they did The Getaway together. It was another reboot. The Getaway is ’91. It’s right around there. I don’t know. This is one film I said before at Kevin Israel. What makes a film besides character? It’s sometimes the score. This score is a top 10 score of all time. Danny Elfman is right below Hans Zimmer and right below the godfather of them all, John Williams. This score, as well as the Batman Returns score, is monumental in this franchise. When Elliot Goldenthal does it for 3 and 4, it is a considerable drop-off.

That is one thing I wanted to commend this movie on was the score.

I own the score for this. The mayor in this film looks like Ed Koch. It was fantastic casting because he was Mayor of New York at the time. Bruce Wayne, the gambler throwing dice in his own house, the real gambling would be not wearing a condom for all the ladies that he beds. That glitch is truly the lottery ticket for all ladies getting knocked up by him.

KG? These are materials you are working off of. Do you ever use these in your standup?

No, because who’s going to hear Batman ’89 jokes?

If you work it in. “This is a really good joke. I’m going to use that in my standup.”

The problem, though is some things are not evergreen. A lot of this stuff, I think is. Some things do. Some comparisons I can make that are still topical or ubiquitous for certain films I can do but that’s a comment. I will take that one. Thank you. That’s a fair question. Lieutenant Eckhardt sounds like he’s had a pack of Marlboro Reds, a fifth of gin, and a divorce all before noon.

It’s this blob.

That was another thing I wanted to mention. I think the ADR in this movie was terrible, at least for him, because you can tell he went back and re-recorded his lines because he must have been mumbling too much or something. You can tell that it is dubbed over.

Where have you been spending your nights? Why are all of Napier’s men dressed like 1920s gangsters like Edward G Robinson? “You are going to go there to steal the secrets of the trades.”

It goes back to the noir thing.

There’s no movie without time or reality.

Here’s my biggest that doesn’t happen. How does Batman shoot a grappling hook into one guy’s chest and then hang from the railing? How does that grappling hook not go through his chest? That doesn’t happen. It’s a suit jacket. That’s it. Get the f*** out.

You said it. I didn’t want to say anything but the scene in the museum where he has the double-dong thing.

This is not a Requiem for a Dream, Kevin Israel. This is Batman.

I have to ask.

If you think of how that thing works, there’s no way they would’ve gotten out of the building with it. The thing itself was attached to the two ropes that slammed into the wall, and then he slid along it. Sooner or later, he’s going to hit the wall, and his thing is still attached to it. It always bothered me that like, “I will suspend disbelief,” but somebody had to be like, “This won’t work.” He’s like, “Just do it.”

That would have made the nitpick list, Ben.

If I am a cop in that chemical plant during the shootout and see green goo spewing all over the place, I am out of there. Did they not see Emil die in RoboCop, where he became The Toxic Avenger after he crashed through that vat of chemicals?

We did that movie with Anders Holm.

We are taping that soon.

I’m going to keep my mouth shut.

The movie’s great.

The plotline of the Joker falling into the vat of chemicals is complete nonsensical horsecrap. I hated that. I hate it still, and I always will hate that. I like how the Joker understood there’s a framework within the comic book. He goes nuts. He’s a comic. He does this. He does that. As long as he does A, B, and C in a pretty tight time-wise fashion, I’m fine.

This went from F*** You Boulevard to Up Your Ass**** Lane. He kills his parents. He drops him in the vat, and then he becomes a Joker because of the chemicals. Stop it. That is blatant to Bob Kane. I did not like them screwing the source material over that. Those are egregious liberal, creative moves that they made that I despise. No, thank you.

I forgot. Did the Dark Knight Returns comic come out before this or after this? Not that it has much to do with that.

Batman Returns, while disappointing, was possibly better than this movie (Batman). Click To Tweet

Killing Joker would have been a better one to pick, right?

Yeah. The Dark Knight Returns comics came out in ‘86.

You are making this film, and I don’t know what the thought process is here but it makes no sense. There is no universe where this occurs.

I’m sorry. I didn’t yield the floor.

Dave, you are still talking.

Why the hell would Bruce Wayne sit at a long table far away from Vicki Vale? Did he learn anything from Mystery, the pickup artist? You have to be close to each other that proximity. If the Joker is such a high-end well-dressed gangster, why is he going to a back alley abortion clinic doctor for plastic surgery? He can do better than Groupon. That’s my point.

It was some basement.

One of the biggest problems, and one of you took this from me. I’m very angry. It might have been you, Israel. Just because Michael Keaton is Batman, it doesn’t mean he has to sleep like a bat. He didn’t grow up sleeping upside down. There’s no need to do that as an adult, and he does that after banging Kim Basinger. He’s doing everything in his power to creep her out besides saying that he loves her and then going through her purse afterward. What the f*** is going on?

He’s doing whatever the vigilante version is of method acting. That’s what he’s doing.

Between Joker and Boss Grissom, there is way too much heavy breathing in this for my liking. Webcam girls have heard less heavy breathing in this film than they have in their $1.99 per minute endeavors. Another scientific question I pose to the boys. How does a Joker not electrocute himself with that joy buzzer?

You can buy those gag things. The person gets buzzed but you don’t.

It’s so funny. All of these things, l noted down, and they tallied up to the point where the list gets so high, sleeping like a bat, that we are like, “What is the buzzer?”

There’s no way in hell that buzzer has enough voltage in it to crisp that guy off in ten seconds. He’s a chard corpse in ten seconds. What does he have? The goddamned flux capacitor behind him was charging up that buzzer. Stop it. Bruce Wayne is the only guy who likes to stand up during gunfire. He’s like watching Wonder Woman cross No Man’s Land, except he doesn’t have bulletproof bracelets or the grace of a bulimic like she does.

The Joker has a punching bag contraption rigged up, not once but twice at the TV. The time it took the Joker to whip this up in the old Joker lab so he could eventually destroy TVs when he saw something he didn’t like. My question is, you better have at least five of these lined up when he watches the next Amy Schumer stand-up special.

Yes.

Those two news anchors look like they have massive colds, not lack of makeup. Which is it? That looks like me when the pollen comes out in full force as I’m jacked up on Allegra and Alavert like I am now.

I’m there already.

Are you? I feel the tingle already.

We got it a little earlier than you guys, and it was miserable for me this year.

All the Joker’s crew ruins artwork all around the museum, except for Bob. Who’s taking notes of the damage that they are inflicting. Is this info going to the Joker’s card catalog of mayhem? What is the point of that? I have a lot of notes here. This is by far the best Batmobile. I don’t give a crap when you say he is shooting machine guns and missiles. What’s better than this Batmobile? Not the one in Dark Knight, not the one in Dark Knight Rises, not the one in The Batman, a glorified afterburner on a car. It’s a big deal. This is the second-best vehicle in movie history next to the Millennium Falcon.

It’s f***ing awesome even though I know that it wouldn’t work.

I like the shield aspect too where it closes up.

The design of it is beautiful.

The Batmobile chase street fight scene is fun despite Batman not getting a permission slip to pull the film at the end of the fighting. That wasn’t well for this era. My question, though is this. During that fight, why didn’t he have to get out of the Batmobile to fight everyone and then get back in? The safest place is the Batmobile which takes a gun to fire instead of not getting the fights.

It’s because it doesn’t kill.

He didn’t have to. He could have stayed in the Batmobile, sat there and been like, “I’m just going to keep driving.” He’s not getting into fights with guys who tried out for the Street Fighter movie. Alfred throws the whole goddamn operation in jeopardy by inviting Vicki Vale to the back gate. Alfred is someone who would never ever be invited on a trip to Vegas. I promise you that. Bruce Wayne has a custom design car, a custom design suite, and a custom design jet that gets shot down with one singular bullet. Did he outsource the Batjets to the same group who designed the Fyre Festival? Are you kidding me? One-shot done. Was he Ronnie from the Jersey Shore?

We barely get to see the Batjets capabilities. I was excited to see the Batjets. I’m like, “Yes, Batmobile. Check. Success.” Three seconds of that, and then he has to fly it up to the moon and do the little bad signal. It was cute and hacky as shit. The final scene in the church drags a lot. Call this German efficiency, which I seem to have a lot of. Why would you climb up 48 flights of stairs when you can save your legs and use that cute little grappling hook you’ve used twice already in this film? You would be up there in 15 to 30 seconds flat.

Speaking of dragging, while working my day job and watching this film, it dragged so much.

Even if I could do a handspring, let alone eight like that guy in the Belfry, I don’t think I would do them right before getting into a fight because it tires you out like watching this does. The Joker has a laughing bag on him that you don’t hear until he falls 200 feet plus down to the ground and is not reduced to a puddle of plasma. “I got it.” Keaton is solid. Nicholson is good but obviously a little bit over the top. This beautiful home, as I remember it, now has a termite problem.

I hated how they pissed on the source material. I hated the Joker being thrown at the vat of chemicals. Now, boys, I have never done this in this show. I’m going to give a Kevin Gootee one-man show. This is 445-year-old Kevin talking to 12-year-old Kevin. “Young buck, I’m going to let you in on a few things. You haven’t seen a Yankees World Series yet, but when you reach my age, you are going to see five. You are going to see the Giants win two more Super Bowls against the Patriots. That team that always finishes last in the AFCs. I know. It’s a little hard to believe.”

“You are even going to see the Rangers win a Stanley Cup. By the way, p**** is delightful, and you will hit your streak but not until your late teens or early twenties. We will talk about that later. Stop saying funny stuff to women in front of your friends. It doesn’t work out. It’s going to backfire a lot more often than it does good.” Here’s the deal. Batman, we saw it three times in the theater. I loved it.

In a few years, they are going to make a sequel with the Penguin and Catwoman. It’s pretty badass. I know this has been your favorite film for a long time. Remember the old Batmobile and the Joker poster you had hanging in your room. Remember the Batman T-shirt you had that you wore nonstop. You are going to watch this movie over and over until that VCR tape has almost disintegrated.

You are going to watch it again a few years later when you are older and you will go, “There are a couple of awards. You will be watching it again and go, “It’s still amusing.” You are going to start an amazing show that’s tearing the world up by the storm and having to sift through a bunch of crappy other movie podcasts but people will recognize your greatness. “What’s a podcast, older Kevin?” “Let me explain how the internet works to you, and you will never have to watch scrambled porn again on channel 95. I promise you.”

You watch Batman for this episode, and you realize the same thing that when you had to rewatch the Batman sequel a few years ago for this show, it doesn’t hold up as well as you remember it but good news, they are going to do a reboot when you are in your late twenties, and it’s glorious. A reboot? It’s another discussion for another time.

Batman is better slightly than Returns but it shatters me to say this is not the ten that I gave it when I remember it. It’s now a six. It pains me. It’s so hard to say that. Again, we don’t judge for nostalgia, bud. I knew that Kevin, when we did Batman Returns, I go, “This does not bode well for ‘89.” I knew this was going to happen, and I was right. We’ve got a 6, we got two 5.5. Ben, what do you have?

I did five and a half.

 

I was a six.

We have two 6 and 5.5.

We are dead nuts on each other.

The better halves of each show gave it a 5.5.

It didn’t need to be said but I’m glad it was.

Was that cathartic for you, KG?

The two of you can have a hell of a time in the Vince Lombardi’s restaurant tapping toes in the stalls while Dave and I have fun all the time at the bar chatting about horse crap. Critics, five-star reviews.

I’m glad I’m not the toe-tapper.

“Like Gotham City, Batman is a little rough at times but Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson’s wonderfully weird performances and Tim Burton’s unique vision for this DC Universe mean it deserves to be remembered as a classic.” By the way, these are all new reviews, so I’m not going back into the anals.

What are you looking for? Rotten tomatoes?

Yes. “The theatrical release of Batman celebrates 30 years this year and holds up for being the product of its era with regards to cinematic entertainment. It is unfortunately awfully difficult to revisit Tim Burton’s Batman with an impartial eye.” Here comes a left-handed compliment. “In the wake of Christopher Nolan’s genre-defining Dark Knight Trilogy, how do you recommend it even for fans who think Batman begins and ends with Nolan’s Trilogy? Michael Keaton makes a credible hero, and Jack Nicholson is downright manic as his nemesis.”

Critics, one-star reviews. “This might have been a fresh film if someone had bothered to hire a writer capable of creating fresh, intelligent dialogue.” It sounds like they are rubbing another man’s rhubarb. I don’t get the appeal, to be honest. “Other than its prescient as a pop-culture milestone, this won’t go down as one of the best superhero movies, nor is it even one of the best in the Batman cinematic cannon.” “A void of underdeveloped style and half-hearted execution.” Kevin, you will cue it up for blowhard 101. “Supposedly, a superhero movie for grownups. This is a pretentious farrago.” This writer’s a big farrago. How about you guys?

Go f*** yourself.

I was just about to say, “What the hell does Farrago mean?”

Farrago means f*** yourself.

Is that your take on, “Argo, f*** yourself?”

This stuff we are talking about with the script and all that popped into my mind of George Lucas making the prequel trilogies focusing on the atmosphere, the set design, and how everything else worked, except for the story, the dialogue, and the action.

Amazon five-star reviews. “I liked this movie. It was part of my research for my Halloween costume,” and this guy put three pictures of him in costume on his review.

You need to post those on Twitter.

I will have to find that.

What was he dressed as, Batman?

The Joker.

He’s f***ing Catwoman. What do you think he was dressed as?

He was dressed as Bob, his number one Henchman.

It’s either Joker or Batman, that’s why I asked.

He was dressed as the mobster who took the pen in the neck. That’s who he was.

If he’s White, I hope he wasn’t dressed as Billy Dee Williams.

We can only hope. “Watching it on a Blu-ray is like watching the movie for the first time. There were all sorts of details, colors, and scenes, where I did not recall or pick up on those subtleties from VHS years ago nor on the TV broadcast. It helped that I watched it on a 65-inch Panasonic plasma. Since it is a dark movie, the black/contrast was nicely displayed.”

Was this a review?

You can come over to my house. I’ve got a big TV.

A 65-inch plasma, are you going through foreclosure? Is that what you are trying to tell us? “The movie is a five star. I always thought this movie was entertaining. I have seen it over ten times and would still watch it again.” Let’s take a deep breath for these next two. “The best classic film of Batman well before the 1990s. When TV went itself, it went downhill. The movie’s dark and campy. Jack Nichols plays the best Joker, other than the animated series where it’s Mark Campbell. The plot is solid for the first entry of what we can call the best before.”

“It’s ruined the DC curse of movies takes place. It’s dark and gritty like you would expect. It’s all-around good fun. I highly recommend this in any format, all versions. Blu-ray upconversion looks great, plus the digital version isn’t bad either.” There were three commas with no periods. I would love to see this guy. I want to pay to see this guy get his Gettysburg Address. How about you fellows?

Speaking of which, how about the animated thing at the very beginning?

I’m so glad you said that. They couldn’t have figured out a way to make it.

It’s an overhead shot of him walking away. It’s a cartoon Batman looking over at the balcony and then walking back.

We can’t make his cape do that thing. I don’t know what to do.

This (Batman) is a movie without time or reality. Click To Tweet

I thought about the logo and how it’s going in and out with the camera during the credits. I’m like, “What was longer, that or the opening to the 2001 Space Odyssey?

I love that movie.

This will be murder. That’s our sacred cow.

Do you love that film?

I absolutely love that film. It’s one of the best.

It’s the first and last you’ll be hearing from these guys.

I’m going to place the glory films. That film sucks. “While Burton’s first Batman film, Batman has obvious Burton touches. Odd and disturbing characters, dark tone, and a new noirish look. The film manages to be generally accessible to the mass audience. It moves at a fast, breezy pace and has an epic Hollywood feel to it with a satisfying conclusion. In that case, it is not a bad thing. If you watch his entertaining flix show many times, it isn’t funny. It just works. I can’t say that many of the superhero films in this new PC are uninspired generations of films. Keaton captures the garden loneliness of Bruce Wayne’s character while still being convincing as a tough guy who can hold the zone while donning the cape and cow. Mr. Burton, you made the right choice. I would take this moment to say, Joel Schumacher, you made the wrong choice with Val Kilmer. Thank you.”

What a strange review. This guy is really invested.

It was also a shot at me. I like Val Kilmer. Did you guys see the Val Kilmer documentary?

Yes. I learned that he loves turquoise necklaces and jewelry.

He needs to cover up that hole.

I didn’t see that he had a hole.

I cannot wait to see him in Top Gun 2. Let’s just leave it at that. “I don’t like you because you are dangerous.”

How many reviews do you do?

Kevin Israel, we are going to lead off with your favorite five stars for the movie. One star for Amazon to charge us to watch an old movie.

It was $3.99.

Especially when I have Prime, I wasn’t okay. I liked it better when it came out years ago. That’s like saying, “I love this steak dinner. The best ever. Three stars.” Batman Returns is a lot better.

He’s blowing his nose.

I don’t remember the last time I saw Batman Returns, actually.

I don’t even remember the last time I saw the Kilmer one.

Don’t bother.

The next one is butt man.

This is the guy I want to know from.

Is this the guy looking for the gay porno version or is that Ben Affleck’s Tinder handle? Which one is it? The next one. This one is lengthy. “In this movie, Batman and Bruce Wayne don’t even look like they could have the same person. As another reviewer pointed out, Wayne is a rather short, unattractive guy with a personality disorder.” I think he’s confused with the penguin. How about you?

“Also, what in the world happened to Robert? You won’t ever hear about him in the movie. The Joker is played well. Jack Nicholson is way over the top. His pre-Joker persona is a mean guy with a huge ego and certainly amoral but the similarity ends there. He later behaved with such perversion and cruelty as the original that’s so much that the movie should have been R-rated.”

Kids under the age of sixteen should not be seeing the gory things he does to people for fun. Speaking of kids, there are many PG-13 movies that are okay to show to ten-year-olds if you can caution them about the occasional bad guy language or modesty but not this movie. Don’t even think of showing it to a preteen. Not only is there a fair amount of bad language that is unnecessary and the specter of Batman’s sudden descent into a casual sexual relationship, even with a beautiful girl but it is also still embarrassing.”

This review is so bad. I might need to change my opinion of the movie to say I love it.

“The original Batman might’ve fallen in love and kissed a beautiful woman but he’s also a gentleman and would not have slept with her on the very first date, at least if kids might not have found out about it and then hung from the ceiling for a bit before moving to the sofa during the night and then walked out on her for a funerary rite. It’s bizarre and troubling behavior, to say the least. I am very sorry about this DVD, even though it was dirt cheap. I’m going to be a lot more careful about Amazon reviews from now on. If you are looking for a good movie, comic book movie or hero movie, get Superman instead. It is a much better movie, especially for kids. Signed, Tony Danza.”

“This movie is craptastic. It is unbelievably poor acting and is completely sexist and violent. I guess that’s the point since it’s based on a comic book but it’s funny to see how far technology has come through and political correctness. It deserves an R-rating, and I could be conscious that I can’t ever let my son watch it. The ‘80s sucked entirely, and this movie is an example of why. Sorry to you, Batman fans, but Val does a better job as does George.”

R-rating for what?

It’s usually by the Church of the Latter-Day Saints.

“Ken Jennings, get off your high horse.”

He’s a Mormon.

In the opening of the Dark Knight, even though we don’t seem a lot of gore, it’s kind of an R scene. I can see that. There’s nothing that rises to the level of that movie in this at all. If anything, it is for kids. I don’t get it. Is it because the lighting was deemed?

“People are dumb.” Thank you. The last one. “I never read this book.”

If you are on the toilet for longer than 25 minutes pooping, reading one-star reviews is the way to spend your time.

Just because Michael Keaton is Batman doesn’t mean he has to sleep like a bat. Click To Tweet

“Excuse me, Ms. Librarian. Do you have a Batman? Where am I going to find it?”

“A book on bats? Go to the card catalog and look for yourself, you lazy piece of crap.”

I wonder if anyone has ever said that about The Passion of the Christ. “I never read the book long.”

Someone who wants to come on our show who knew The Passion of the Christ, I go, “No.” Kevin Israel, did the Blockbuster Mentality fellows who come on here and gut that sacred cow again?

I can say without a shadow of a doubt the gentlemen were successful, in my opinion, this time.

I will co-sign on that. I will also say, again, to be fair, this movie also hung itself a little bit on its own entrails. It’s fallen in guano as, to my chagrin, this twelve-year-old Kevin Gootee. I’m sure twelve-year-old Kevin is real chagrin. This one hurts as much as Returns did for us. That was the first film that we did in this show and we are like, “This is going to be smart,” and here we are.

It was our pleasure.

Again, we love having you on, and we enjoy our banter on Twitter. Thank you so much. Tell the folks what you are up to, where we can find you, and all the good stuff.

We have normal stuff going on over here. We have a celebrity guest come on and dissect the film with us. It has been a lot of fun. We got a couple of guests on the horizon. I have been lazy lately. I’m in a little bit of a rut but we’re going to have some big guests coming up soon. You can find us @BlockbusterCast on Twitter, @BlockbusterMentality on Instagram or go to BlockbusterMentality.com. On all three of those platforms, you can get updates on the show and when new episodes come out.

You can follow me @Dave_Quist, but I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s not worth following.

Especially when he posts memes about his love for 2001: A Space Odyssey, I don’t know if that’s worth following either. Kevin Israel, where can we find you s***ting on 2001: A Space Odyssey?

Also, being correct. KevinIsrael.com for upcoming comedy dates. The Struggle Is Real is my comedy album. You can get it on iTunes, and everywhere else you get downloadable s***. More importantly, leave us a five-star rating and a quick a couple sentence review on your podcast platform of choice. KG takes time out of his very busy week to feature our favorite reviews, and we shout out some love for the love we get. It means something to us because it means something to you. Let’s keep the good vibes going.

[email protected] if you went to advertise with us or just drop a line. We are now in the metaverse. Come check us out when you are done j***ing off to VR porn and the $Joke Community Comedy room in the metaverse. You know it, Ben. That’s how we do. KevinGootee.com for all the shenanigans, and thank you all for giving us an hour of your time. In this case, an 1 and 45. It’s new and high for this show. We thank everybody for listening. We appreciate the Blockbuster Mentality fellows, Ben and Dave. Thanks for hanging out with us again. We love hanging you out here, and Kevin’s mouthing to his wife, “I will be there in a second. I promise.”

Anytime guys. We appreciate you having us on, and we need to have you on our show again. Anytime you want us on again, just let us know.

It would be great to have you guys on to talk about something we like.

 

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