Kevin Gootee’s selections (in no particular order)
- Whatever city was in the Crow. Devils Night and the city is ablaze once a year? It’s like living in NYC whenever there’s an election, especially 2020…
- Rocky-Philadelphia. Not in real life or fantasy do I want to live in a town that prides itself on awful accents, grade D shaved meat, and uneducated sports fans.
- Haddonfield- A homicidal maniac slashes teenagers who just want to drink and fuck. As much as young Jamie Lee Curtis gets me tumescent, I want nothing to do with that town.
- Detroit-Robocop. The same that applies for Philly does for here. Even though I could walk into Inspector Todd’s office and say, “This is not my office!”
- Gotham City-ANY Batman edition, even Joel Schumacher’s day-glo orange versions. Crime non-stop while crossing your fingers a bat comes to your rescue? Hard. Pass.
- Tombstone-Gun fights everywhere and women wearing 18 layers of clothes. Nah.
- Boston-Good Will Hunting. Pasty Irish dudes wearing track suits while fighting everyone who breathes in their general direction. And I think Ted did the best impression of Boston women and their accent in that film.
- Mega City One-Judge Dredd. Crime. Poverty. Drugs. I’d rather live in Bombay in the summertime.
- Hoth-Empire Strikes Back. I hate skiing, you think I’m going to an ice planet anytime soon?
- Amish Country-Witness. You think I’m raising barns with Jebediah when he doesn’t believe in deodorant or fun?
Kevin Israel’s choices
Gotham – I know I included Batman’s hometown on my other list, but this place is terrible and filled with super villains! Like. All of them. Get me to Smallville, STAT!
New York (I am Legend) – just me and a bunch of blood thirsty zombie/vampire things? Pass. Next!
Mos Eisley (New Hope) – this place looked terrible. All the worst the galaxy had to offer in the middle of a dessert. Nah, this is not the city you’re looking for.
Stepford, CT – Sure everyone looks great but I’m not down with a bunch of zombie programmed women? Back to Zillow.
Harga Village (Midsommar) – Oh yeah, this place looks like a hippy’s dream. A picturesque commune of peaceful living. That is, until the royal murders begin. Maybe skip this place too.
Zion (The Matrix) – lemme get this right, I can either live in a blissful virtual reality where anything is possible or an underground sewer looking sweat hall where everyone smells and they only live to fight killer robots. Yeah…blue pill for me please.
Mordor (Lord of The Rings) – there’s nothing appealing about this place. Orcs, Goblins, giant spiders and a deadly fire eye god who wants to destroy the world. Sheesh! I wouldn’t even vacation here.
Pompeii (Pompeii) – This place starts off looking great, and then BOOM, volcano. Don’t be fooled by the low homes costs.
Perfection (Tremors) – So this little, tumbleweed towns looks bad BEFORE the giant, man eating, mole worms struck. But once they showed up, I think the property values plummeted.
Springwood (Nightmare on Elm Street) – Don’t be fooled, this sleepy little town has a sleeping problem. That is, kids who fall asleep get slaughtered in their dreams by a burn victim turned Wolverine. Yeesh, there’s no place to set up roots in Hollywood Land!