What movies are worthwhile and what should you avoid like a jalapeño colonic 4/21/21

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Kevin Gootee doesn’t recommend…

Throw Momma from the Train (1987)

No real desire to see this as a youngster and finally got to checking this out. I’m now ready to say I pretty much hate nearly every Billy Crystal film. This film is such a snooze fest, even DeVito and Ma Fratelli can’t save it. Basically, DeVito is a loser who tries to get Crystal, his community college writing professor, to kill his mother. And DeVito is supposed to do a favor and kill Crystal’s ex-wife. No hilarity ensues, complete waste of time.

2/10

Tarzan (1999)

This is the dark times of Disney, sans Toy Story, and this is no difference. Rosie O’Donnell plays the “comic relief” character. I think she tried to do the same thing that Gilbert Gottfried did in Aladdin but came very short. Much like her dieting attempts. This film had ZERO characters you give a shit about and the ONLY thing I recall was, “Oh yeah, that’s where this famous Phil Collins song came from.” And wow, he got MAJOR airplay throughout the film. The story was weak and I know EXACTLY why when you go to Disneyworld, you don’t see any Tarzan rides or characters walking around.

2/10

Pinocchio (1940)

Haven’t seen this film in EASILY 30 years and you can still appreciate the animation, although obviously dated, is pretty spectacular for 1940. But holy shit, I forgot how dark this film got. Pinocchio gets kidnapped and taken on the road as a carnival performer. I suspect they couldn’t put him in the sex trade in 1940’s so this was as racy as it got. And then, he gets swagglefoosed to going to the amusement park with all of the boys who smoke, drink, and then get turned into fucking donkeys and then sold off to mines. You see the boys/donkeys losing their shit, crying that they want to go home. Man, that REALLY was a tough watch. I’m FLOORED the cancel Nazis haven’t come for this film yet. I’ll let my 5 year old watch it and scold her she’ll turn into a donkey if she keeps leaving wrappers on the couch. But this isn’t in my top Disney realm by any stretch.

5/10

Kevin Israel recommends…

Lockout (2012)

  • A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president’s daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.
  • You’re probably reading this and thinking, “Lockout? Huh?” Well, that’s a fair response. This wasn’t a hug hit, but Guy Pearse was awesome in it and his character, Snow, felt like franchise material. Lockout was a fun, action filled sci-fi romp that had a very 80s action movie feel. Snow was a sarcastic, cocky protagonist. I was sure they’d do more but sadly, they never did.

Author: gtscpodcast

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